Greetings and salutations.

Well, it's official. I now see my shrink weekly. Figure that out. Weekly? Fuck, he must find something wrong with me.

So I saw him today, I unloaded about Jay going home, and how I am falling apart from it....and for the first time since I started seeing him, I cracked a bit, and lost about 5 tears. Then I sucked it back in, and changed the subject. Then I gave him a gift, he perked up when I told him I had a gift for him. I handed him copies of the 3 stories of my past I recently put in here. I'm sure he just loved the one about the cat. *sigh* I hate my past. Why couldn't I have been a normal happy, sheltered child? I'm telling you, if it wasn't for the multiples, and alters in my life, I would be dead.

Some of you may find that to be an odd comment, but I even said that to my shrink today. Multiples are the only ones who will ever understand the shit I have seen, and how it affects me. I only touched on about 1/32 of what has happened to me. Somedays I actually feel jealousy for the multiples around me. Atleast the host has that part of their memory blacked out for a bit. I see everything extremely vivid every day of my life. I constantly relive it. My ex's have called me a bitch, abusive, and downright mean. But I am sorry....if your biggest problem is that you need to get laid and I don't want it because I feel dirty, and disgusting from memories, or that your hair didn't work right so you feel ugly........well, ya...I'm gonna not care, and I am gonna tell you to get over it. Fuck off with the whining bullshit already! I have seen things that would turn your blood cold you fucking assholes. I think that those things might just make me a little cold when you spew your insignificance. Stoopid cunts. Why do they always find me?

But multiples. I don't need to explain. Their alters can nod knowingly at me, they can smile with sincerity. They aren't fake. They have a right to be fucked up. They have a right to whine and bitch more than anyone.....but they never do. As much as I wish some of you would....you don't. Fuck man! Jay doesn't even tell me when she triggers, she ignores it. Brushes it aside. Deems it not important.

All you multiples may see me as strong, but have you ever thought, that you might just be seeing the reflection of yourselves in me? The side of you that you refuse to see? I am what happens when you go through hell later on in life, and you don't split. Of course, at no point in time do I claim to have gone through things to the same degree as you all, I know for a fact you have seen more than me, and been through worse. But it was bad for me.

I swear! If I ever win a lottery, or make millions off of Jay, I am going to buy an entire city block of houses, and move you all into your own house on that block. That way we can be our own support system, and community, yet still have our privacy and space. I think weekly bar-b-q's will be in order.

Ah well......there I go again. Off on another rant. All these people think they are fucked up, and have problems. When your biggest problem is not having those shoes, or jeans. Or not getting the guy/girl you want.....you make me sick. I'm trapped in reality. I only wish I could have such minor worries.

After seeing what I have seen, knowing what I do of Jays memories, and other peoples abuse.......tell me.....what do I think, and how do I feel when I look at my sons innocence?

I'm scared to fucking death!

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014