It's one of those week. Ugh!

Processing some shit here.....

So, it's official. My immune system is not getting destroyed now. I don't meet the requirements for the T-Cell therapy. A requirement my Neurologist didn't know existed, and neither did her colleagues. So yeah. That came to a screeching halt there.

She wants to put me on Tysabri. I have an issue with this. Here's why....when this med was released in the states originally, it was killing off MS patients left and right. They now know why. It's certain antibodies a person may have from having, or coming in contact with a certain virus. If you have those antibodies, you can/will develop PML....or in laymans terms, a severe brain infection.
I went to a special clinic, had my blood drawn, that blood was sent to Montreal, and tested. The results came back as a "Weak Positive". I came in contact with someone who had the virus, but I didn't catch it. The recommend that no people with a positive result be put on the med, as there is a higher chance of PML.
My Neurologist says: "It's a weak positive, and generally it takes 2 years for the PML to appear."

Here's the thing. I exist. My life essentially sucks. I have no future. No life really. No joy per say. I am in constant pain. I struggle on a daily basis to find a reason to live, because to be honest...what do I have to look forward to in the first place?

My latest reason for existing is Dane. Not even my family. I feel like a burden on everyone really. As soon as I got sick, most of my friends vanished. I guess that's what happens when you're in your 20's, and people just want to party...but you can't. I shrugged it off at the time, but I'm 41 now. All I have is Dane and my Dad. Even my Son is fed up with me now. Don't even ask about my Mom. When I told her about my last MS Relapse last year, he response was to say "Oh" and change the subject. This is why I left Facebook for 4 months after my Birthday. Dane and my Dad wished me Happy Birthday. My mom texted me a gif, and my son said nothing, and wasn't even home. He went out with friends. I know some thought the "2 people wished me a Happy Birthday" was Facebook. It wasn't. Although, I did get a text from my Brother later in the day. That was nice.

So, the point is, it's a constant struggle for me. Now my Neurologist wants to put me on something that can potentially kill me? How do I take this? Is it "What's best"? OR is it a fucking hint???

I will happily go on Gelenya. It's an Immunosuppressant that when taken the first time, requires 6 hours of monitoring. They have to watch to make sure your lungs or heart don't stop working. It's in pill form. Just one little guy a day. The first pill is taken in a clinic, and you just hang out while they watch you. No problems? You're good. You can stay on the med. But, if shit goes south really fast, there are Dr's on hand, and the med is a no-no.

Regardless, I have to go on something new. Apparently just to wait for a new B-Cell therapy that is in the works of being approved. She said it should be approved in a year. That will be a different form of immune system death. I'm not sure how that will affect the system though.

T-Cells are the white blood cells that kill everything off. The muscle, or "soldiers". B-Cells are the cells with the memory, that tell the T-Cells what to attack. Like a "General" if you will. So, the body will have the T-Cells to fight infection etc, but how bad will it hit the B-Cells? Science is fun, and amazing like this.

Awe fuck.

I just don't know how to process any of this anymore.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~So be it...~ - Monday, May. 10, 2021
~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014