So,,,,ok I was bad.

I had taken myself off of prozac because I didn't understand that my feeling like absolute garbage with abdominal burning and such was a side effect of the drug....that showed up 3 months after I started to take it. Of course my shrink doesn't tell me this at all. Hell no! No warning there, so I stopped taking the things, and as soon as I did, I felt better. Infact in the last few weeks I have slept like a baby without them.

Well, yesterday I started myself on them again. Which means I am back to square one. I hate these things. As you adjust to them, you wind up bi-polar literally. You have no control over emotions, or thought processes. The drug is moving in, and taking over. Once you adjust to it, then everything goes mellow.

Now for the latest. I think Jay and I are over. No this isn't an attention grabbing thing, and yes I love my kids. But she just can't handle living on her own. I am tired of living with a teenager. The mentral blood on the towels and walls, the toothpaste coating the bathroom counter....I'm sick of it all. I am just sick of following behind her and cleaning up after her. Of course that comment will have her go off on a big tangent about how she is always cleaning up after my son and I. That of course is bullshit. I barely ask her to do anything, she chooses to do it, or her OCD makes her. But the important thing of "CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF!" has turned into her screaming "Fuck you! I'm going home and staying there!"

I for one have had enough of this childish bullshit. I have to throw out a towel now because it is covered in her cunt blood, and the thought of my son seeing it, let alone using it.....well, it makes me feel ill. This apartment isn't just us, this is Kristians home too. But she doesn't even aknowledge that. And I am soory, but that 7 year old is more important by far. He is my life, he comes first. I won't even bother touching on all the bullshit lines I have been told by her, and how she got my sons hopes up, then crushed them. I'll get too pissed off if I do.

I just can't take it anymore, and I don't know if I want to. There is no joy for me in this anymore. We see, wonderful from the outside, but yesterday was it for me.

What you don't know......yesterday she punched me in the head then jumped on me, and put me in a head lock. I threw her down and started hitting her. I don't like getting hit, and ask my sons dad...I will hit you back. I get fed up, and get off of her, she starts kicking at me, then says she is going to call the cops on me because she refuses to live in a violence anymore. Funny, I was sitting down at the comp when she came at me. But it's all my fault. ok

I don't want that anymore. I am tired of being attacked, then when I fight back I am being abusive, and it's my fault because I started it. My head is fucked up enough without this shit.

I already spoke to my mom about this, and she says she will support me in any decision I make. Satan of course won't understand at all. But I don't want to stay in a relationship like this, just so he can seem happy. He isn't stupid. He knows we fight. She would maintain contact with him anyway. She loves him as much as he loves her. But me? I dunno, maybe it's the Prozac talking, but I'm not happy with living with someone I have to mother. Her kids are one thing, but she is another. Serves me right for going for someone so young. And ya, I am as gullible as they come. She has fed me dozens of lines, and made me look like an asshole to my friends because I believed her. I always want to give the benefit of the doubt. I see what is going on, but I don't stop it.

Then the old fight comes on. "You lied to my mom and my son!" "no I fucking didn't! "oh ya? then prove it!" "I can't, I'm not in England right now am I?" and it goes on and on......but when she is there...it's the same old bullshit. one lie after another, empty promises, nothing but bullshit. I just don't think I want this anymore. "Get your mom to take a pic of it" "I did, I don't know why she hasn't"........because she can't....it doesn't exist.

But me....I'm gullible....I want to believe. I have put my life on hold for that need to believe. Not anymore though.....now I want reality for a change. I'm just tired of being bathed in bullshit.

My mom just called, and I caught Jay listening to my phone conversation with the other phone. That pissed me off!

The kids gave me a note that asks that I don't speak about this shit on here.......I would have deleted it, but the lack of consideration shown in her picking up the phone, and listening in.....well, why should I show her consideration, that she refuses to show me. Fuck that!

I am seriously sick of all this bullshit!

I have had enough!

Laterz,

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014