Well, yes...as you all probably know by now, I actually requested a death. This is the first time that I have ever done so, and I would like it to be the last.

Let me explain my reasoning behind it.

Many of you may remember in a recent couple of entries, I spoke of calling 911 due to a drug overdose. Well, the alter that freaked out, and took the pills was Zed. It turns out that Zed was 20, and as soon as I freaked over the pills being taken, he integrated. Kinda a big fuck you to me. He fucked up my byrd, then fucked off. I thought that because he went in, he was gone, and we could relax. I was wrong.

Last night I was attacked in public by him. My son was struck, because he is brave. As Zed had me, and was hitting me, Kristian jumped on his back, and tried pulling him off of me. Hence, kristian was struck. I scooped up my son, and as I was holding him, he was still trying to kick Zed. A group of women came to my aid, and called security. Zed was grabbed, and the fucker ran in,pushing Jay out, as soon as they started to restrain him. I saw Jay, and dropped to my knees and spoke to her, then security took her out. Tey must have thought I was nuts. I went from freaking and crying, to reassuring Jay that she would be ok. Jonjo asked me why I spoke to Jay then, and I told her that it was because at that moment I saw Jay there. Jonjo's reaction to that "man, you are smart".

*pause to play peek-a-boo with Bleach*

Well, seeing as Zed has attacked me twice, and each time it was worse than the last. I was beyond being able to sit and talk to him about it, and to reassure him that I can be trusted, and I do love Jay. He had 2 other alters acting as his minions. They ran when the shit hit the fan last night. I was told they were just followers. Zed struck me as being a total loose cannon. He was the first alter that seriously scared me. I am used to being attacked, threatened, screamed at, and hit on. But there was no stopping this guy, and he posed a threat to my son. It was proven to me that he will just come out when he feels like causing shit, so I made the inevitable choice to be rid of him permanently. I do feel guilt, but everyone inside sighed in relief when he went. I owe Jonjo alot for doing the deed.

I have to admit though, I am feeling alot safer than I have in weeks. Not only do I have Toots, who is a fierce protector, but I have Jonjo.....who in my eyes, is the main protector in Jay. Jonjo was like a sister to me in 2001....she was my best friend...until some shit happeed. But now she and I seem to be going back to the way it was. With Toots, and Jonjo around, I am not worried about sleeping. That Zed had me wondering if I was gonna wake up with him ontop of me choking the shit out of me. It's calm in my house again. And everyone is starting to relax.

On a completely different note, I had Bleach and Tawwy write letters to Santa tonight. Courtesy of our wonderful Canada Post, we can write letters to good old St.Nick, and he will write us letters back. So, the boys did up their letters, and as soon as I get stamps, I am gonna send them off. Tawwy asked for Pokemon cards, and Bleach....well, he's Bleach. He wrote out a list of things he wanted and then said "and food, I love food." Well Bleach my boy, we will have to see about the food, but I don't think there will be a problem with you getting it.

Ahhh....and the moment we have all been waiting for....ya, I went to see the shrink. I have been immediately slapped on drugs, and I go back on the 20th for my next appt. He said he is gonna do a bunch of testing on me. Great...now my brain is really gonna be picked. I had to laugh though....and I am sure Jeff can see the humor in this one....I was asked by the shrink how I would describe my father. So, I honestly replied "A high and mighty, self righteous, red neck, asshole!". Straight, and to the point. The guy nodded, and hid a smile. I said it with my usual flourish of Joy. The theatrics even come out when my brain is being picked. I did speak of Jay a bit, and the kids. I told him that they were my stress relief, that they are what keeps me going alot. I told him I would be lost without them. He kinda smiled at that. Then he asked me about my mom....so I said "we went through a really bad patch where we didn't get along, and she seemed to hate me. Then she divorced the asshole she had married, and now we are like we were before they met. She is like my best friend". So, as you can see...my parental influence is quite lopsided.

*pause to watch bleach play with kristians micro pet*

So, I have had a few eventful weeks. My stress levels have been high for over a month now, and my brain feels like it may explode. My body fell apart again tonight. I'm hoping that once I have a good sleep, things will sort themselves out. Man am I wasted.

Well, I am gonna piss around online for a bit while we watch our *ahem* uncensored canadian version of the osbournes. Then I am gonna climb in bed with my byrd, and my kids. I'm feeling cuddly tonight. My depression is rather bad, and the group of them have more than enough TLC to offer me. I feel the need to get lost in them all. After all, they are my family. *grins*

Laterz

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014