I'm listening to the song "fallen angel". Jay wrote and recorded it for me in March of 2000. I wrote about it before. I had her explain it to me tonight, as I have her do with all of her songs. The song was written way back when, after she had recieved an email off of me that was explaining to her about the times I had been raped. It made her feel so bad, that she did the song for me. I wish everyone could hear it.It has an ethereal sound to it. It's kinda dark, but at the same time touching. It is so hard to explain....no words can describe it. The guy she got to do the vocals on it reminds me of sebastian bach in a way. The whole song is my byrd playing a foreboding tune on a piano. The only way to describe it is amazing. I told her that when she is recording her album she HAS to re-record it. It IS a top ten single....something you hear on your local rock radio station. "The Bear 100.3 fm" here in Edmonton is gonna love it when this is released. They will snatch it up in a second. So if any of you hear of an artist named Jay in the future, and the song is "fallen angel" then you know what it's about, and how it became. She does such amazing music, I have had 3 of her songs so far, make me cry. I am anything but sentimental by the way....raging bitch best describes me. So you have to imagine how those songs must have felt to hear. What they must sound like.

"it's kinda like hollywood is paved in gold.....people try to cover up the reality, we all know hollywood is full of rapists, and drug dealers" That was the best explanation she did of this song. Kinda a "things are fucked, you're better than that" sort of thing. It's very touching for me. I remember how speechless I was the first time she told me that she had written a song for me, and recorded it. This was the second. There have been alot more since then. But it never gets old. She goes on and on about how she wishes she could buy me the world, how she can't live upto what my ex's did. What she doesn't realise is that material items are nice, but I was never impressed by them. I remember an ex of mine found a bit of yarn in a box. He braided it, then tied it on my wrist. For years I swore that was one of the nicest gestures made to me. Until I met Jay. She amazes me with her music. I challengs anyone to even try to come up with something that is more special than having a song created for you. It will never happen. The feeling is so intense. To be listening to something that describes you, and speaks to you. Not just a song that you can relate to, but one that is specifically a message to you. Nothing can compare to that. I hope that one day she can realise that what she has given me in these songs, is more than anyone in this world could even imagine doing for a person. Music has been my life for as long as I can remember. I used to make tapes for my ex's to talk to them through music on the way I feel. I used to have them get pissed at me for it. But Jay, she understands....yet no one understands us.

Ya ok, we fight....10 minutes later it is over and we are fine. Nothing matters in the world. Other people will hold a grudge for things said. We forget it, we move on. It's like we just hit a point, and BOOM! it just all stops, and we wander off to find some food or something. We aren't like normal couples. We never have been. Like today for instance.....we fought, she fucking tore a major strip out of me....it was harsh. What did we do this evening? Easy, we sat down, brainstormed for album titles, then came to the conclusion of which was the one she wanted, and then we worked on the design for the cover. She now has a name and a cover for it. Tomorrow I am having her type up her "thank you's" and "fuck off's". She is going into the studio ahead of the game. I want her going in with a purpose. We will basically have all of the minor details ironed out before she goes in. She even knows the basic layout for the CD insert. I'm basically making her do what she can before we hit the studio.....and a photographer.:)

Now then........SPARKY QUIT READING THIS DAMN DIARY AND JUST GET YOUR ARSE HERE ALREADY! LETS TO THIS NOW!

Ahhhhh! Now that I have that out of my system, I can get back into my zoning off of this song. I can't stop listening to it. I know...I'm sad...but....it's special you know?

I hope this happens. Jay needs it. She needs to have something to do, something to occupy her mind. I could use a purpose......Oh Ya! I just remembered SPARKY! NIKKY IS GONNA BE VOTED OUT, TRACK HER DOWN AND SIGN HER! SHE NEEDS ALOT OF WORK, BUT SHE HAS ALOT OF POTENTIAL. FIND A WAY TO GRAB HER FIRST, I CAN GUARANTEE THAT IT WILL GO SOMEWHERE, MAYBE JAY COULD EVEN WRITE A FEW THINGS FOR HER....WHAT YA THINK?

It's pretty bad when you have to talk to people via a diary online...because they WON'T email you back ahem! *pause to tap foot with hands on hip, and one eyebrow raised*

*sigh*

I suppose I should wrap this up here. Jay is laying in bed...on my side, wrapped up in my binky, dozing on my pillow....it makes me kinda wanna jump in with her. She makes the bad things go away. My daddy doesn't love me anymore, but she makes me not care. I think I'll adopt the meek man as my new dad.

GUESS WHAT SPARKY...YOU'S MY DADDY NOW!

I'm sure he will just looooooove that one.

Well, I'm off....got some pets to get from the wife.

Laterz

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014