Jay said something today that made a little too much sense. She turned to me, and said "do you think this was his punishment?". The more I think about it, the more I think she is right. The goddess is definately up to something. Sound odd? Let me explain.

Jays dad died at the age of 53. He was very young. After living a life of constantly physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually abusing, shortly after he finally stopped doing it, he was dead. Oddly enough, after everything he ever did to Jay, a week or 2 ago he told Jay that out of all of the kids, she was the one to make him proud. She was the one who went off on her own, broke free from them, and became self sufficient and responsible. He said that she was the best out of them all, and she impressed him. Those were basically his last serious words to her. As soon as he accepted her he was gone. He spent all those years saying that she was shit, but once accepted, he was gone. It's like the goddess stepped in on her behalf, and sent him on his way before he could ruin the good that he caused by saying that to her. Then there is Jays strep throat. If she hadn't of got sick, she would have stepped off the plane to hear the news. I am her support system, I wouldn't have been there, and she would have lost it. The strep came on incredibly sudden. She was fine, and then BOOM she had it when she woke up. Don't tell me she didn't get that to keep her here so that she could handle the news. It's like there are all of these suspicious circumstances. Me being the religious freak that I am, I choose to see it as the goddess looking out for my girl. She sort of agrees with me.....but she still thinks religion is "head fuck".

I have Jay writing a letter right now. I told her to do a letter to her dad. She asked me what to write. She said she didn't know what to say. I said "everything that you couldn't." I want her to address the abuse, I want her to say how disappointed she was in him, I want her to get it all out of her. I told her that the letter might be 7 pages long, but at the end of it I wanted her to write 3 words. "I forgive you". I said that I want her to bring it all out onto paper, so that when she writes those words, she will mean them completely. I want her to finally start to truly heal from her past. It's time.

I personally have been doing alot of thinking. I am working on letting my hate go. He died knowing how I truly felt about him. He knew that I knew, and he knew I wanted to hurt him....hell, I told him so. But, after all is said and done, he paid his price for all the pain he inflicted. He is dead at 53, for no one who lives a bad life, will live a long one. As her childhood was taken, so was his life. They are now even. I will go to his grave one day, and I may piss on it still, but right now, I nod in his direction knowingly, and accept that he has paid for his mistakes. I will never accept what he did, but I will accept that we are now even.

Jay will be fine now. She will finally be able to heal. There is no more fear, no more hate, and no more negativity. Even the whole of her family is finally talking again. Relatives that he alienated, are back in their lives. Everyone is together again. I guess he really was the would be fly in the ointment. The biggest worry right now, is Jays mom. We need to look after her now. Jay wants to ask her to fly here for xmas. I have agreed to it myself, I think it would be good for both of them. We will just have to see what everyone else thinks, and then if she will agree. Jay is the child who is closest to her, she needs Jay right now. I keep telling Jay that when she goes home on thursday, it's okay if she wants to stay there for a while, she just says no. That she wants to be here after about 4 days. I will leave her to her choice of what is best.

On a separate note.....well, more of a rant really. Dipshit.....you know, asshole? AKA.Satans dad, has yet again let my son down. He was supposed to give us money for the boys school lunches. Did he? Well....why would he? Kristian is pissed. All he keeps saying is "my dad has a new girlfriend, so now he doesn't even have time for his son!". He keeps saying that with acid dripping from his voice. Shawn is a fucking idiot. My son may only be turning 7 in Nov. but that doesn't mean he is stupid. The kid acts and thinks like he's 14. His dad is pissing him off, Kristian is gonna go off on him big time. I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut, and leave it to the boy. He can handle himself, and he sure as hell can control his dad. He tells him whats what all the time, and the prick listens to him. It's all good in the end.

Kristian will get his money out of fucknut, and I'll just laugh. Way to go Satan! My boy kicks ass!

I'm gonna have to see my kids tonight. They have been a little ignored lately. They understand, but it still bothers me that they aren't really able to chat with me as much. I think they will help me with a pick me up too.

By the way, I have an inner ear virus that is causing massive vertigo, and partial loss of eyesight. My life sucks.

Laterz

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014