One of the things my mother gave me, was the ability to stress over nothing.

This irritates me. My bills are paid. My rent is paid. I have food. I have a fist full of cash left over. BUT...I stress about money. Why?

My son is healthy. He is driven. The majority of his marks are A's. He graduates this year. He has a plan for a career. Has secondary education planned. The school he attends has literally secured him a spot in the program he is going into. He has a gf, is happy, and is trustworthy, and mellow. The opposite of the teens you see on Maury. But, I stress about him. What if he gets sick? Hurt? dumped by his girl? What if life doesn't turn out how he wants it?

I stress about myself. Leaving the house. Interacting with people. Yet if I walk out the door, my personality comes out. It's getting out that door. Of course I understand the worries about myself. They are a mix of health issues, and the fact that everytime I leave I have an adventure. Or I run into someone I A) Don't want to have anything to do with. or B) Don't recognize, but they know me, and talk to me like they just saw me yesterday. I'm antisocial, I really don't like many people. I find most to be self centered and dull. The people I keep closest to me are artists, or intellectuals. I find they hold the most beauty or interest.

Anyways, back to my point...if there is one.

I grew up with a mother that stressed about everything...except me. What a fucked up environment to grow up in. How many kids at the age of 12 have a curfew of 2:30am? How many 17 yr olds have there mom come home from work on a Friday and say "See you on Sunday" then get yelled at if they go home on a Saturday.."What are you doing here? This is MY time!"?

worry about money worry about money worry about money

Fuck. If I won a fucking lottery I bet I'd still find a way to worry about it. T calls me the "budgetting queen" because I always make sure everything is paid for, that there is food, that we can get extras...and the night before money comes in, I'll pull money out and ask her if she wants take out for dinner. lol

I have zero reason to stress about anything. My sons drive and talent will get him where he wants to be. I'm on fucking disability and yet I live like I'm middle class! Yeah it took years to get here, and yeah alot of it is hand me downs. But, at the same time. Patience, and budgetting gets nice things. I mean sure, my livingroom furniture was given to me by my uncle. But, it's beautiful leather furniture. Xmas presents are fun. I ask for practical things. For instance, last xmas my dad gave me a 14 piece set of Cuisinart cookware. $300 bots and pans. Coca Cola dishes. In the last 2 years I have managed to buy my son 2 guitars. If all goes according to plan I'll be getting him an 8 core comp for a grad present.

I'm smart with money. I'm smart with the things I ask for when holidays hit. I don't live like a pauper. Yet I'm on a fixed income that's peanuts. Yet...with the amount of electronics I have, the game systems and games, even the 4 guitars and 2 amps my son has....it makes you wonder. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I smoke...for now. But even then, less than a pack a day. Why the fuck do I stress? I have shit under control here.

I guess that's a gift from my mother that keeps on giving. hmm...

My latest stresser? The thing that keeps me up at night? "Is T gonna sleep in and be late for school?". She never does, and never is. But, inside my head I'm convinced that if I'm not up, that will be the day she sleeps in. Just because I maintain things, and remove stress from my life, I have found something else to stress about. WTF????

Speaking of stress....must remember to pay for my insurance soon. Even then...why stress about that? I have the cash on hand right now. Not to mention it's only $176 for the next years worth. Basically a pack of smokes a month. Inexpensive as shit. Gotta love State Farm. lol

I have nothing to stress about!

WHY THE FUCK AM I STRESSING???????

All I guess I can say is....

THANKS MOM!!!!

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014