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~Strength?~ Friday, Feb. 18, 2011 - 3:46 AM I've been strong for too long. I'm finally burning out. You ever reach a point where you just want to climb into a hole and disappear? Yeah. That's me right now. Not sure why, but I seem to be falling apart. I find no joy in the simple things that I used to. Instead I just mindlessly sit here day after day. Just hoping. For what? Good question. Cause I would sure like to know myself. I hate this shit. Hell, I hate most of the world right now. I'm lonely. Seriously lonely. I am surrounded by people, and my kids. But for some reason, I still feel totally and infinitely alone. Is it my MS? I'm not sure. It's just stupid lonliness coming out of practically nowhere. It's slowly killing me too. It's like it's eating away at my soul. Maybe I have just been too strong for everyone but myself for too long? Heh. Probably. 4 MPD systems in 11 years. All of which have relied on me for my strength. Maybe I just need someone to look after me for a change? Maybe I just need someone to lean on myself? What a dreamer I am. That will never happen. Cause I'm the tough one. The trong one. The helper, protector, the shoulder to cry on. I can't afford to be like this. It puts too many things at stake. Causes too many problems. But, I am also human. I guess I forget that alot of the time. I am also a girl. Sometimes I need to feel like one. I get scared sometimes too. But I have no one to hide behind myself. Instead I just stand strong, and fight through the simple things I need. I save everyone. I just wish someone would save me. I guess that tends to just be too much to ask. IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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