Total and complete mental breakdown yesterday. I cried solid for 10 hours straight. Almost left and didn't come back too. I was finally pushed over the edge.

I'm proud to say that NO self harm came out of this breakdown. Yay me.

Tricky was tripped out, Squirt was worried and came out to talk to me and try to quiet me down. Then I spent about 2 hours with a kid I hadn't met yet, but knew was there, as well....

Here's the thing.

I've been on the edge of a complete mental breakdown for about the last month. I snapped a little bit about a month ago, and suddenly Tricky was crying and in pain. She injured her arm at work, was off for a month, and shortly after she was off, she was forced by a kid to wash doshes even though her wrist was fucked. Thus causing mass swelling, and pain. Thank god I can fix anything just about.

Anyway, while this new one was cleaning, all that was being said over and over was "must please mommy". That disturbed me to no end, and made me hate Tricky's mother even more.

Well, he came out with a vengence last night because I was a mess, and he was convinced it was because of him. Either he did something wrong, or he didn't do something right, or he forgot a detail in something he did.

Long story short, he was cleaning, I was a mess, I needed a hug, I approached him for one, he got scared, I broke down, he realized I wasn't like the rest because I was showing my weaknesses, and yeah....He's deciding on a new name for himself. He doesn't like his name and wants a new one.

A good portion of my kids like getting new identities. It helps them let go of the past, and be able to see a future not in hell.

Tricky (when she was hiding as a kid)
Trinity
Squirt
Focus

All named by me.

Every multiple that has come into my life has had their parents removed from their lives....Tricky's family have no idea where she is, and I have friends travelling who are gonna send a letter to her little sister for her.....from the other side of the country. lol

Those sick fucks will NEVER find her again.

What the hell is with me only ever dating 4 girls in my life, and 4/4 are multiple?

Jenny (one of Kris's kids) says I have a huge neon sign on my forehead that says "TRUSTABLE!!". Trinity agrees. lol

Anyway, I pull them into my house, teach them how to bathe, cook, clean, and just do everything that everyday ppl take for granted. If you aren't taught how to look after yourself, because they'd rather lock you away, and ignore you.....when they aren't abusing you.

So, I bring them into safety, teach them how to live...not exist...LIVE..and get the entire system settled, relaxed, and happy. Which usually erupts into chaos, and a whole lot of fun.

There is no such thing as a bad kid. Just a kid that is a product of what created them. Bad behaviors are learned behaviors. It's not their fault. I show them that it's not their fault, and explain why.

I saw just over 2000 kids integrate in my first gf...When she left me for drug addiction I had been told by the system that there were atleast 800 kids left.

My 2nd gf started with approx 314 kids, 308 went in, she saw her family when her grandfather died, and in that week approx 34 were created. When we parted ways there were 2 left.

My 3rd gf was only around for 2 months before she sexually attacked my 2nd gf, on my bed, in my room, infront of Tricky and I.....yeah, that ended quick. That was over just as her 2nd kid was coming out of the shadows. I guess all she could hear was crying for the first few weeks after I wasn't there.

Then there is Tricky, we were best friends, totally inseperable for months, and I was already helping her with her head before we hooked up.

Rather than the usual mpd suicide attempts, she gave up handed control over to 2 other kids, and went and hid inside as a kid for a couple of years. I kinda ruined that one. I became the acting hosts obsession, and woke her up to the outside world. Then I saw her for who she was, called her on it, the acting host went mental off of losing control...long story short. In about 15 min Tricky was shoved into reality, and the other one integrated. I had to teach her how to live.

And I did.

I help them as much as I can, and no matter how much stress comes out of it, it is so fucking worth it.

I can say that I am mom to thousands...and not lie about that.

The last 3 gf's aided in my nick being "GOD".

It started as a sex thing, and turned into an everything thing.

Mainly a multiple thing.

I can fix, help, and sort out anything that they can throw at me. Pretty much like the views on conventional organized religion. Only I answer their questions, and react immediately when asked something.

I'm better than the schizophenic's father. I have results.

Damn....need to stop here.

Best friend is on her way. She's worried about me after my going mental last night. I just know I'm gonna get bitch slapped.

Ah well, it'll make the kids happy. They were babysitting me last night. Poor Tricky was stuck inside for hours. It's always the youngest ones that get in my face and yell at me. They're the most timid around other ppl, but the most protective and in your face to me. They keep me in line.

Ok, off for todays therapy session. I hope she comes with one rolled. I need the reality break.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014