Yeah yeah, no write in long time.

Alot of shit has gone down.

Fuck, where to begin......

Ok, Brandon is gone, I called Tricky out on being the host, Tricky decided she wants to be the host again, Brandon has a meltdown, I get insulted, Brandon says "Fuck this!" and integrates.

Uh....that was all within an hour one night? Welcome to like in my house. lol

So, Tricky is around all the time. She's like my best friend/sanity. lol

She's also an incredible lover...which brings me to...

Kris had taken off again, and Tricky and I started rabid bunny fucking. Then Kris comes back again. There goes Amber's sex life. Kris stays around for a couple of months, going on about how she doesn't want a relationship at all, blah, blah, blah....basically parroting back everything I tell everyone. Anyways that's all fine and everything, then Andrea starts in on me one day about wanting to be with me, and then the Brit/Jay/Claire starts in on me too.

3 ex's at the same time. Kris always going on about staying alone to fix herself so she can marry me one day, and so on. Well, I was laying in bed one day, and she was on my comp playing warcraft. I looked up at her and said "I want Claire back". Within a matter of hours she was showered, packed, and out my door. She made excuses for having to go. I knew the truth. I broke her heart. She drove 330km from my place to a diff city. Now she's in Montreal. She took a Greyhound there a couple of days ago. She went back to her ex. The one before me. She told me she was going to go to Montreal asap, and she did. Good for her.

I told andrea that all her negativity is annoying and makes her boring. She kinda disappeared after that. lol

Claire....

She's off visiting mates somewhere, probably on a speed binge, or in a drunken stupor somewhere. I haven't heard from her in a week and a half. lol

Such is life in England. Ah well. She talked to her mom about flying to Canada in June, and lovely Margaret told her that she might just buy her a plane ticket for her birthday. Her b-day is June 5th, so Yay mommy in law ish type person!

Her mom rocks, she really does. I'm aiming to fly out there next summer. This summer will leave me with no spending money, just a flight. So, I'm gonna go for next summer and save up. I want to go for 3 weeks to a month anyway. I'll be living with the inlaws out there, so it's all good. lol

So yeah, looks like the one who holds my heart may be returning to me. I said when the bomb dropped that it wasn't the right time or place for us. Here we are 3 years later and talking about picking up where we left off. Crazy. lol

Hmmmm.....

Wonder how she'll feel about Kris' initials being tattooed on me? lol

Oopsie?

Ah well, but I did originally come in here to tell a story.

My Mother......The fucking ignorant, stupid fucking cunt herself. Yay for Matricide! Norman knew man...he knew.

So, I had one kid right, I refused to go past that. You see, I grew up in a family where there is extreme sibling rivalry, and extreme favoritism.

My dad couldn't love my brother and I at the same time. He loved me and hated my brother, or loved my brother and hated me. Fucked up much? Try living it.

Then there is my mother. The psycho bitch from hell. My brother would beat the fuck out of me, and she'd scream at me for bothering my brother. I was watching tv, and he came up and started to pound on me. Yeah, I started that right?

Anyway, fast forward to when I was 13.

Now about a year previous my dad saw cutting I did to my ankle, and took me for a walk. He told me the story of the night he turned to my mom and told her he wanted to have another baby. About how he got up and went and flushed her birth control pills.

Ok, well I was 13, and realizing how much of the short end of the stick I was getting. My brother would destroy shit and blame me for it, I'd get punished. That was my life. Well, you know how teenagers are, I started to voice my issues with how I was being treated. By the way, my parents divorced when I was 7, and I was always a daddy's girl to begin with. Anyway, I was under my mother's roof, and subject to beatings from my brother, and my mom shitting on me all the time. I started to rebel against the bullshit, I got mouthy.

It all started one night when I told my mom to fuck off. I barely saw her coming. She flew at me, jumped on me, and started punching me in the head. Then I got silent treatment for a week. Nice life, no wonder my first suicidal ideations were with a bottle of bleach locked in the bathroom when I was 8. *sigh*

Well, I'm guessing about a month r so after that, and alot of this time is a blur to me, but I remember being in the middle of a fight with her upstairs in the condo. She was screaming at me that she never wanted me. It was my father who wanted me, not her. That she was happy with just my brother. That she loved him, and I was just a thorn in her side. She said she never loved me, and never wanted me. I got destructive then. That's when the self piercing started on my arms, and I got promiscuous.

At 16 my mom had been married again to a guy who was a stranger to me. I never knew him. Barely met him. Suddenly he's living with us, and after 6 months of a relationship they're getting married. Oh yay. So, my mom gets married, stops talking, and this stranger is screaming at me now. Take a wild guess how well that went. Well, I'm 16 now, and my mom is a broken record.

"If you don't like it leave!"

"If you leave I'll call the cops and report you as a runaway and they'll bring you back."

"If you don't like it leave!"

"If you leave I'll call the cops!"

In 1991, the day before my moms birthday. I called my friend Renee, packed a bag, and left. The last thing she screamed at me was "Thanks for the birthday present!"

Everyone loves my mom. She adopts everyone I know. They all call her mom. They think she's amazing, hilarious, a joy to be around. Sure she is, if you aren't me.

I stayed in a condemned house that night. First thing I saw the next day was a prostitute shooting up in the back of her knee. I grew up that morning. At that exact moment I became an adult. I wasn't in Kansas anymore. That summer in that house is why I have PTSD, my mom is why I have depression....that and the ms causes it. Hell, I could do an entire psychoanalysis on myself and can pinpoint why I have every issue I do.

But, smoking a joint sounds so much better. I spent 31 years dealing with everything as it came at me. Then about a year ago I decided to avoid. Now I'm on vacation. I'll stop smoking again. I just need a vacation from reality while I filter and kill off inner demons.

Ok, I'm done.

After that huge emotional shit I think I need a nap.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014