I'm feeling a bit lost right now. Can't be helped.

I miss my boo. *sigh*

I caught her online for 2 seconds, then she went offline, then tonight she popped on and off. I'm feeling avoided.

Who boggles her mind? Who amazes her? Who does she not have the courage to say it to their face?

Cause I don't think that's me at all.

Fucking mind is driving me mental. I hate this.

Anyways, enough of that.

So Ashlee comes over with her gf Amber today.

I don't like her at all.

The entire time they were here, she was purposely getting Ashlee's attention, and was hitting her! Flicking her, smacking her, slapping her face! What the fuck is that???

Apparently Ashlee got slapped at the movie theatre for no reason. She just slapped her. All she does is hit her...supposedly in fun.

So, I sat in my chair, and was getting quite pissed off. I'd rather not have her back here. That childish bullshit has got to go. I was ready to tell her off of fucking knock her out. Ashlee texts me after they go, and tells me that she isn't usually that bad, and it was pissing her off too. That bitch has got alot of problems I tell ya. I'd never slap any of my gf's faces. Nope, won't happen. That is complete bullshit!

So yeah. Nice first impression that was.

Fuck tomorrow is gonna suck. I'm gonna be out all day. I have running around to do, and grocery shopping. Lots of being on my feet. But, it's all good I guess.

Well, it seems I have stopped eating again. Or it's just the day before payday thing kicking in again. I had a few bites of a pita, and that's about it. I'm dehydrated, and although my stomach is growling, the lump in my thoat won't let me swallow anything. This will pass. I'll get used to being alone, and then I'll be fine.

I miss her searching for me in her sleep. It was a silent reassurance that made me feel happy and content. Now she's cold and distant. She has to be to help her mom. But it still hurts me.

I think I fell for the wrong person at the wrong time. Things are just so fucked up right now. I'm watching her fall apart. I'm dying inside from seeing it. I'm helpless. She's turned to drugs, and so have I. She's chain smoking, and so am I.

I wish I could make all the bad shit go away. I wish I could help her. I wish we could be together. But...not gonna happen.

All I can do is survive. Be patient and wait. Hope that when it's all over with she still wants me.

Or, prepare myself to hear it's over? Stupid brain! Shut up!

I'm so lost. I don't know where I stand anymore, and that msn thing sent me off on a paranoid freakout. I don't think it was about me. To have that up, then avoid me after? That hurts.

I'm gonna get high and go to bed. I need to kill this feeling so I can sleep.

I'm sorry that I am who I am. I wish I wasn't me.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014