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~*sigh*~ Thursday, Mar. 22, 2007 - 9:20 PM It's funny how easily I fall apart lately. It's kinda sad really. She was late coming here last night. It was all for a good reason, and I can't fault her at all. I was quite shocked that she even arrived, I didn't expect to see her really. I was so happy to have her fall asleep in my arms...and half on me...last night. It felt like home. No other words can explain how I felt. Just that...it felt like home. We had an amazing day together. Lot's of kisses, cuddles, hugs, and laughs. It felt amazing. I even ate! That was a fucking miracle in itself! She left a little over an hour ago. She went to get her stuff, to move back in. I am a festering ball of paranoia now. Right before the bus came, I started to feel ill. Once she was on the bus and it pulled away, the knot started to grow in my stomach. I tell myself to relax, that it will be ok. She'll be back soon. But the knot just keeps on growing. Then the paranoia hits, and the fear starts. "what if something happens and she doesn't come back?" I felt so fucking amazing today that I never wanted it to stop. I felt so good in bed with her last night, that I never wanted to wake up. And now? Now I feel like shit. She doesn't live here again, yet. Once her things arrive, I will be floating on air. But, as with every other time she went there....what if something happens? I need to stop this. I need to stop thinking this way. She loves you Amber. You know this. You can see it in her eyes. Feel it in her touch. You are fully aware of it all. I just want her home. I just want her in my arms. I just want the attention and affection that we both crave. A part of me did die in these last 2 weeks. I want that part of me back. I want to feel whole again. I hate this cold, empty feeling inside. This knot that takes over stopping me from eating. I hate the lonliness inside. I need her. She is the part of me that is missing. With her I feel like I can do anything. Without her.....I am nothing. IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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