Well, all emotions are gone.

I realised last night, that I wasn't in love with her, and didn't really care if she was here or not. I just don't like change, and and I was used to her being here.

We were 2 players, playing eachother for diff reasons. She played me for a place to stay, and I played her to get over my ex. We both got what we needed. I knew 2 months in that it wasn't going to last. It hit me like a brick one day. So, I didn't invest much into it at all. Not on an emotional level anyways.
She wanted marriage, I wanted company. I told her I would marry her, but kept switching dates, and coming up with excuses. I don't want to get married anytime soon. Not unless they are on the exact same page as me anyway.

I do love her, but like someone loves a friend. There isn't alot of depth to it. I have a silver tongue though. I convinced her it was deeper than it was. Essentially, I played her since day one. I told her what she needed to hear to keep her around while I needed her here.

Not nice I know. But, I also know she did the exact same so that she could stay here. I accused her of being with me because she had no where else to go. She always denied it, but it is very easy to see when you know how a person works.

We both got what we needed at the time. She got on her feet, and I got closure.

Oddly enough. I'm not bothered by any of this at all. As soon as I realised I was freaking over the change....it just stopped. I think I am more mentally sound, and emotionally stable than I have been in years. I do owe her alot for that. I put her back together, and myself at the same time. I'm actually content being alone right now. No more sappy music and crying. It's all done.

I will miss the laughter and the friendship, but there is nothing that can be done about it. Friends come and go. I already have alot more than I did before I met her.

No, we did what we did because we had to. I told her I did drugs to chase her off, and it worked. Now there are no ties at all. I'll hand her all her things, and that will be that.

I'm happy with my friends, and my life. I can sit alone and not go insane. It's all out of my system, and I'm ok.

Now I'm just back to being the jackass I was in early 2000. Fuck it feels great to be me again.

No, I'm actually happy alone. Never thought it would ever happen again. But, it did.

I thank her for bringing me to this point.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014