So, I was just sitting here yapping away at Robbie on msn, when I get a message sent to me by this chick Jade.....one of the girls I met last night.

According to her, I am needed in their group as I am another Sag, as she is, and I am interesting. lol

She told me that I am invited to any and every get together that the lot of them have from now on. She told me that they are an odd lot, but contain all the craziest lesbians. Apparently everyone else is boring. lol Good then...carry on now.

I barely said a word, just went along with everything that was going on. Apparently, doing so, and looking like a freak, makes me interesting. I guess my feeling was right, and I truly am fresh meat. *shrugs*
But it was interesting. Jade actually came right out and said "I hear you are just out of a 4 yr relationship. Was it anyone we know?". I was kinda floored. Ok....ppl are talking about me now. That would be Tanya, as she is the only one I have told so far.

Is the plot thickening? Or am I paranoid?

I apparently am in their group now though. Figure that one out. Not that I mind. There are about 5 of them I would like a taste of. I guess we shall see what the future shall bring. All I know is that I won't be ready for a relationship for quite some time. My heart was broken. Pure and simple. The pain is so fucking bad still, that I am smoking up so I can relax enough to sleep.
Geoff started to call me a pothead tonight. I can't quite agree....yet. I am smoking enough to take the pain away, but not enough to be seriously fried. I am still in control, just numb. In a few here I shall be doing the same again. The only thing I hate about this creeper, is how turned on it makes me. I fucking climb the walls. But a violent need to masturbate is better than a violent need to commit suicide.

So much shit is going through my head.

I hurt so fucking bad. I still don't want to let go. I'm at the point of spontanious almost tears. My eyes well up, but they don't spill. I get a grip as soon as I lose it. Shit is just really hard right now. I know it means the healing process is starting, but fuck does it hurt!

The fact she is with someone else doesn't bother me anymore. The fact that she is a pothead has me laughing at her, because she can't even do that right. No, right now, the pain is in the fact that even if they were to split, and she was to try to come back, she couldn't. She has upset my entire family. She has pissed off my friends. And with how protective these strangers are of me already....those being all these lesbians....I think they would kick the shit out of her if she ever showed her face.

No, after meeting that group, I got the vibe off of them that if anyone tried to hurt me, they would stand as a barrier. And that no one would ever try to force anything on me, they will just go with me at my pace. I sat there, feeling oddly safe. Kinda like being surrounded by 8 mom's. I'm not that big on the whole bar thing, but would easily invite them all into my cave.
I'll go out with the group again though. I'll force myself out. I need to break my antisocial habit, and to become one with something. I need friends, and affection, and all sorts of good stuff. One day I'll be ready for a relationship, but not today. Not now. And possibly not for months, or even a year. I won't go into another until the pain stops, and I can put my heart into it.

5 wasted years on false hopes.

I need to get high. I'm gonna fucking flake out.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014