Just talked to my daddy.

he he

My daddy loves me. *jumps up and down*

It seems The Roost is a go on sat night. I asked to borrow money, and he said not a prob. So I'm happy with that. Gonna go out with robbie and his fag hags. lol

Hmmm...I should tell Tanya to meet me there. I know for a fact that girl needs a night out. I'll have to see if she is working or not, and if she can come out and play. (as offspring goes through my head)

Been talking to a chick in Red Deer....she is highl amusing. A total classic line "I've always been a fairly clean cut person myself... military life will do that to ya. But I've never been ashamed of my little... quirks :D I'm actually just a little baby in the whole fetish world. Quite fascinated by it... into the whole sub/dom culture, just never had a partner either interested or willing to teach me 8)"

I choked on my koolaid when I read that, and then burst out laughing. Those Red Deer girls are outrageous! Because it's such a small town the scene is small, and almost hidden...damn redneck towns...and well, when they open up, they are worse than rabbits. he he

So I'm all drooling ahead of time here. Robbie knows a Drag King, and wants to do a lil intro with me. Fuck me, I'll be all drooling everywhere! I fucking love...did you hear that? I LOVE gender benders. mmm yummy!

So my life is getting better at an exponential rate. I am hoping that in the next couple of months I'll be able to find a date for Motley Crue. As much as I like Geoff, and enjoy his company, I would love to be able to make out at the gig. Hmmmm...how fitting. lol

But, we'll see what happens. Either way, there is always someone to go with. It's gonna be fucking awesome though. And in 2 weeks the tour starts. They say they have a set list that is 2 and a half hours long...with an intermission. Of course mick wants to do a 20 min guitar solo because he doesn't want an intermission. lol This is gonna be the shit!

So, I am oddly enjoying not being hidden from the world by jealousy, and wars of words. I think I was meant to be free. Shit right now is equal to how it was after russ, nothing bigger or more major. I took down all the portraits, hung up my diploma for the first time, and Satans school pic.
I've started going through shit, and packing shit up. I found a bunch of paintings and drawings done by the kids. That hurt more than her being with someone else. I guess they mean more to me in the end....or it's just their innocence in it all. I dunno. I miss them. But, when you spend 4 years with the title of "mum" you get used to it.

Ah well, maybe one will seek me out one day? Or maybe another system will. Who knows? But I have my memories, and the drawings done for me. It's like a mother losing her children, you just don't feel whole anymore. Relationships come and go, kids don't. *sigh*

But enough of that grieving bullshit. I need to move on, put them all in a special place in my heart, and seal it over for good. Deep inside I know I'll never see or hear from them again. Not when a person is lost in junkie mode. I mean it is really easy for me to let go of the relationship. After all...I don't know her. Her personality changes with drugs, and she gets mean, self centered, and evil. She attacks you, unless you will help support her habit. She creates more pain for herself so that she can use the pain as an excuse to use more.

No, I look at her words and shake my head. They have nothing to do with me anymore. I don't know that person, and don't want to know. One day she will end up on heavier drugs, or just plain dead. I'd rather just remember her good points, and not see her fall. I think watching her crumble would hurt more than letting her go. So, I'm choosing survival. I hope she doesn't destroy the one she is with now, with the ocean of lies she has unfolded. I hate that about the drugs, they make ppl lie more than usual. But alas, not my problem anymore. I just have sympathy.

I don't want to type this shit out, but it is part of my healing process. I need to repeat myself over and over in diary entries until I work through shit in my head, and I can relax. I figure in about a week or 2 the knot will untie.

I am hoping that saturday night helps me. I finally crashed last night after being up for 48 hours. I just couldn't sleep, everything was too much. I haven't been able to eat since sun afternoon. I mean yeah...I'm happy I have been losing weight, and ya..I wanna lose more. But NOT like this, this is fucking redic! Ahh well, shit happens I guess. I'll get better in time. Atleast I don't have to see that shite. It's interesting how you can finally see a persons flaws when you are pushing them away from your heart. I never saw her lazy eye until last night. I was taking down pix, and there it was, off in another direction. I truly never saw it, and I used to think her teeth were straight. But they are kinda buck teeth with a gap from how flayed out they are.
It's crazy the things love covers. Kinda like beer goggles. lol

Ah well, enough of that. I got it out of my system for now, and can go back to chatting up the edmonton ladies. How yummy.

"Pardon me miss? Can my meal include a side of her?" heh

Laterz,

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014