I'm not a stupid person. Some people see me as being that way....but I'm really not.

Jay did an update in her diary this morning. She came right out and admitted to severe drug abuse, and hardcore drinking binges in dec. *sigh*

I sat back, I read it, I got an anxiety attack, I got pissed off that I got an anxiety attack, so I grabbed my phone, and I called england.

I was calm, I was relaxed, I said "I fucken knew it!" and I just had a chat. We spoke for about an hour. I listened to what she had to say. Discussed the shit she was going through, and what was going on. I reaffirmed that we were no longer together, and that I wasn't sure if after that call, if she would ever hear from me again......then I read her the riot act.

"Everytime you inhale that shit, it pushes me further away. You need to decide if you want to straighten yourself out, and find a way to convince me to get back with you, or if you want to choose that shit, and just let me go for good"

I truly am not sure if I ever do want to talk to her anymore. I didn't even recognize her voice. Not so much because I haven't talked to her in over a month but because her voice is all gruff from smoking that shit so much. It sounded like mine used to when I was smoking american cigs all the time.

I threw alot of shit in her face. Shit like how Char is a smoking buddy, that's it. That she won't be there forever, because without drugs she has nothing in common with Jay. I brought up how satan worships her, and how would he feel if he knew she was choosing drugs over him....hell, that she was even doing them at all would damn near kill him.

She had to go grocery shopping with her mom. So, we ended the call. I can't say that it wasn't perfect timing. I am at the point of being annoyed right now, I was nearing getting pissed off. Her drug addict bravado had been squished by the time I was done with her though. When she was saying goodbye to me, she was pretty fucking meek.

I'm still gonna chat to other dykes, forever looking for a drag king I can call my own *drool* I am after all still technically single, and possibly staying this way for a rather long time. I kinda like me for a change. Being just me is something I haven't had in a long time, it's something that bothers me, but not as bad as being with someone who is ignoring, and avoiding me.

I gave her alot to think about, and she said she was gonna have a hard think, and will email later if she can, and if not she will tomorrow. She says she is going to let me know what is going on. The phone call started with her telling me she was waiting for Char to get off work so they could smoke together, and ended with her wondering if she was going to do it or not. After all, I pointed out that that shit has already caused her to lose me, and her family in Canada. That Char won't be there forever. That there is alot of bullshit and stress involved in getting that shit every day, and how she actually sounded like shit.

I was told she started smoking it pretty much the moment she arrived there in Sept. That in Dec, she was doing hardcore drinking binges, but hasn't done that shit in a month now, but gets the shakes if she doesn't get high every day. *raises an eyebrow of disgust*

And I am supposed to stay with that? No wonder the kids went into hiding completely. They don't want to have to deal with the drugs. I don't blame them...neither do I.

Nope, she's an addict. She will always be an addict. But, now she is gonna be one fucking lonely addict, because if she wants me in her life she is gonna have to work for it. I really have no desire to have to deal with this shit for the rest of my life. Nope, nothing has changed. Just some truths have come to light......she IS living with her mom, and she IS on a bender with drugs. Ya, her mom was drunk, but she wasn't lying to me.

So, now I am annoyed, but satisfied with myself for knowing the truth, no matter what lies I was told. She says the drugs make her lie like that, and I believe that, as I have seen many ppl have that reaction to addiction, but I choose not to deal with it. I choose to be alone rather than have that crap in my life. I told her that she is still welcome to visit here, but that the last time she gets high will be with me. I just want her to experience B.C. Chronic. That and I want to try doing it again, just to see if my body will still reject it. I miss the shit, and maybe watching me do it will scare her? Hell, if my body is gonna reject it, maybe I'll do it anyway, and puke all over her? Heh...that's an amusing thought.

But for now....I am single, annoyed, and looking elsewhere. Now...if I could only find me a drag king..........

Yep...it's a fetish. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014