What a fucked up morning I have had.

I woke up at 7:50am. I looked at my clock, looked at my stereo, tought to myself "it's a good thing I woke up, or he'll be late". I got out of bed, found it strange that the hall light was off, and turned it on to go wake kristian.

HUH?

He wasn't in bed. So I figure he is downstairs watching t.v. I go down....no kristian. I figure "Oh, he went to school early" his school bad is still there. WTF????? So I look for his boots, and jacket...not there......I look for a note...no note. WHERE THE FUCK IS HE????

Then I notice that the door is locked, frantically I check for my keys, then remember there is only 1 other set, and it's in england. WTF????

I run upstairs, and check his bedroom window, then his closet....then back downstairs, still looking for a note. Nothing.

I try calling my mom at work...answering maching....Then I start to shake, and I call my dad on his cell.......

"hello"

"dad! I don't know what to do?"

"whats up?"

"He's gone! kristians gone! and the door is locked! someone was in here!!!"

"isn't he at your moms? didn't she pick him up yesterday?"

*cue the lightbulb*

"it's saturday amber."

"oh yeah....uhhhh....sorry about this"

*he laughs*

"yeah it's saturday, you go try to slow your heart down a bit."

"ok dad, sorry....bye"

*he laughs again*

"bye"

So uh yeah. Welcome to my fucking world. I am still feeling syupid, and need more sleep. I sat down at the comp to try to relax, and had 2 emails from Jay....thank fuck!

Jay used one of my lines...it was so sweet....

Her take on Nos....

"tell him, he ain't so special he don't shit butterflies and that he should think himself lucky i don't have his number or address.
damn lucky."

I fucking love that about her. GRRRRRRR

Now then, I sat down last night after I finished my last entry, and wrote a huge email to jay, about this fetish of mine. There was a point in uh....2002? that we had a lil to do, and I told her I wanted her to be female not male. I was in a fucked state of mind back then. All depression, and mental shit. Thats before I started seeing the shrink. Well, about 2 weeks after I had my fix, and started to regret ever saying that. It plays on my mind alot, kinda a nagging guilt over asking her to become someone she isn't. I never saw a dramatic change of her going back to the way I had remembered her, so I forever get this idea in my head that I ruined her. Thats a lil background..

Well, I emailed her and nailed her with everything I thought and felt about everything, and how damn tasty she is...yadda yadda. Well, I got a short reply....but if you know her, the short reply is actually more than it appears to be.

For my reference....

"i read your email about being transgendered and what not, and amber you never ruined me, just because you wanted me to be more femine at the time, i never stopped thinking about how i felt i think that's why it was difficult for a while because i thought you were trying to make me somebody i'm not, and i'm still not. i'm just me. i still think about it, i was talking about it yesterday to char (mar) saying how i wonder sometimes how i would be now as a guy because i would be 100% male now and that is an odd thought, but in a sense i don't regret not having it done as i've learnt to live as me but i'll never ever be female as such if ya get my meaning."

Now, the meaning she refers to is....Jay is kinda neuter. She isn't male, and isn't female......Jay is...Jay. She is my gf by default, I use "she" by default. But Jay is just Jay. It took me going online and talking about my "GF" before I realized I was with a girl. I mean I never thought about any of it. Sure I knew I was licking pussy, but I dunno...I just never saw me as being with anything but just Jay.
All I know is that I found someone who completes me. Gender never meant fuck all to me. I don't think it ever will.

So, Char finally broke. lmao.

Char is a friend of Jays in the uk..Jay has been convinced for well over a year that Char is a bit "fruity" as Jay so elegantly says. She finally wor Char down, and the poor girl admitted to being gay. lmao I just know Jay was all proud of herself for that.
Well, Chars best friend ditched her because of it, and so did pretty much everyone else. How lovely. I said in my reply on this subject, that it is better to be a closet dyke, then to be a closet fucking mormon like that lil bitch.
I also gave Jay an update on what I am doing with a friend of mine, as I told her about a present I am going to buy him. She says she will give me an inch with him, as he appears to be keeping me happy right now *snicker* but I have to giver her an inch with Char. *grumble*. I told her that was fine, but she better tell Char that I am a 8ft,600lb Neandrathal dyke who will eat her spleen if she ever thinks about thinking about my Jay. GRRRRRRRRRRR!!

Yeah...lil green monster bites hard. Always in the ass too.

Thats about all I needed to document right now. What I need to do is sleep. I am dead, and can't sit up straight.

Off to nap I go......

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014