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~Fuck me hard!~ Friday, Dec. 03, 2004 - 10:13 PM Went out with my dad as previously stated. I have to say, if you haven't seen the polar express, you have to. I got so caught up in it, that I was suddenly 7 years old again inside, and I started to cry because of how magical everything was to me. I literally lost it, then I looked over to see my dad crying too. You must see it. Jade if you haven't a good example is...you will feel like Kalee...completely. Okay... My life is fucked up....well beyond that. Totally FUBAR! In my mind things between Jay and I are done and over with. I discovered last night that I have lust for another person. That is a major fucking thing for me. I never even look at another when I am taken. But in the last 2 weeks we have spoken once, and chatted online once. Emotionally I am moving on. If it wasn't for me not trusting her at all, and being guarded all the time, I'd be dead. But instead my automatic healing process has kicked in, and I am looking away. It sucks when things come to an end. But seriously, where could they go from here? Where do I go from here? I am just casually waiting for the lust to fade so I can just be normal again, and not all shy and shit. This sucks ass. Hmmmm......I definately need to sleep soon. I am living in a haze, and seem to doze off slightly even when standing. Fuck it, I have too much life to live. Sleep is an inconvenience anyway. Far too much wasted time. Too bad I do nothing all day huh? Well, the shit will hit the fan tomorrow. I emailed Jay lst night right after I noticed I was crushing on someone. She hasn't been online today at all. There are gonna be deah threats. But I'll take it all. I haven't been happy in so long, and when I am happy it is in small gaps of time. There is way too much lying in my life for me to relax. I just can't seem to be happy anymore. Everything is negative. If in the future I breakdown and stay with her, it will be out of a need for masochistic actions in my life. I love her, but she is killing me slowly. hmmmm....is death really that bad? I mean it would fix my problem. Fuck it. I'm too tired for this shit. Laterz, IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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