I haven't said anything lately because I have nothing to say.

Jay isn't here, has no flight.

I'm still hurting, and lost.

I finally emailed Skit last night, then her today. I just don't know where my head is at. Part of me wants to cut my losses and walk, but the other part just wants me to ignore it all and hope she comes back.

I dunno. I guess in the end I'll probably forgive her for it all, and in time will heal. But right now there is no hope for her return.

It's funny you know. One of the last things she said to me before flying was.."don't worry, it's only 2 weeks. It's not like it's gonna be 7 months again." My gut told me otherwise. I should always trust my gut. I just can't take this shit anymore. I don't like living in wonder. If I was told straight out that she couldn't come, and had to figure something out, then I could relax and be fine. But all I hear is her say her mom says she will be here for xmas, but her mom tells me the opposite. Jay swears her mom is gonna send her, but her mom swears that Jay has to earn the money on her own.

Xmas is 27 days away from now. 3 and a half weeks. I think my hope has almost run out. Now I am distancing myself from it all, and getting ready to mail my xmas presents for her and Skit.

Poor Skit. I miss him most of all. For months he kept me sane, and I looked after him. To me he means almost as much to me as Satan does. I emailed him to make sure that he knows that no matter what, I will always be here for him if he needs me. That I do love him. Man do I miss him. I've been looking for a stocking to buy him. Having a hard time finding one though. I have to look in walmart next time I go.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

I know Jay is wasting away. She has lost so much weight her clothes don't fit her anymore. She says she has dropped beneath 9 stone. Now for those of you who I just lost...1 stone = 14 lbs. So, she has dropped under 126 lbs. I'm guessing she will be around 120 right now. Keep in mind she left hear at around 140, and the majority of that has come off in the last 2 weeks.

Everything had looked so good, so promising. We had everything planned, and all the arrangements made. I had hope, excitement, and comfort. Now everything is cold, empty, and dead.

Something has got to change.

But what?

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014