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~Falling to pieces~ Monday, Nov. 22, 2004 - 8:38 PM Well, I'm cracking up hardcore now. I've had a really rough night. It started with not talking to Jay for 2 days. That started the feeling off, then tonight she pops online, and it all started to surface. When she told me she was definately coming soon, I snapped. I don't believe her at all. She swears up and down, but I don't believe any of it. I have begun to hate her for not coming when she had a flight. I can't help it, I just am. So, tonight we fought, and it ended with me telling her to go fuck herself. Of course at the time this was going on, my mom was outside waiting for me, my neighbour was pounding on my door, and my son was doing everything except what I asked him to. I was seconds away from going crazy and smashing shit up, but swallowed it again, and went out with my mom. We drove around in her new car that she had just got, and ended up at Tim's doing food, and donuts. After we saw my grandmother to show her the car, and when I got home the shit started to stir in my head again. I've fucking had it! I am falling apart, mainly triggered by my turning 29 tomorrow. I am well beyond fucked over this birthday. I was supposed to be doing lunch with my dad, and he turned it into dinner involving satan. Which let me down because I wanted it to be just us for lunch, and now we are going out like we always do, to where we always do. Nothing special at all. Not to mention my mom was gonna come over, and him changing plans fucked hers up. Yay. So I m expecting to chip some nuckles soon. I am gonna lose it, and hit shit until I am in agony. I just can't take this shit, and I am tired of being there for everyone else. Their problems. Their pain. I don't even give a fuck about Jay and her shit anymore. I just want me to be ok. Everyone else can fuck off and die. I don't want a birthday! I don't want xmas! And I don't give a fuck! I'm falling apart at the seams. Screaming in silence. The only good thing I have had today, is an email.... "hapi nurfgdey mumi im sori i carnt be ther cos i wis i was i wuld giv yu yur gifte but yu got to wate. mumi yu asre the brest an todey im gun cselibrate yur burfdey That's it. The only light. IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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