Okay, I have a few thoughts going through my head right now. I'm gonna update to help sort them out a bit.

The main thing that has been on my mind is GRS and Jay. I mean, is it a good thing that she has been ignoring the person she was living as for years before she met me? Is she choosing to stay female because of me? Or does she really find some comfort in being who she is? I have been talking to a guy lately about said subject....he knows who he is lol....and I guess seeing his clarity in what he wants, and comparing it to Jays constant confusion, well..I kinda feel guilty. I mean I know for a fact that if it wasn't for me she would be male. I just have this sense of foreboding that this is gonna come and bite me in the ass one day. Ya, I can't deal with change, but I can't deal with her confusion and misery. I don't think I could handle going through life being the reason why she isn't who she should be. After all, I am bi, and change can be adapted to. This shit is too complicated.

Onto lighter things.....

As we all know, Jay is an infamous klutz. She always has been, and always will be. Well, yet again I have another night without talking to Jay, but I got an email explaining why. I am going to share some of this email, more for my own future giggles. Seeing as I know her so well, I literally pissed myself laughing when I read this......

"i had come on over here to get on here to chat to you but you're going to have to hold on a bit as i had a slight accident on the way down and i have to be taken to emergency, don't worry my mum is taking pics on her camera phone to try to send to you when we're there as i was walking down the narrow path, like a little back road and it's been heavily raining, i slipped in the mud and fell face first into a stinging nettle bush, this is alot worse then i ever recall it being and i am in absolute agony, i can not take this pain and constant stinging, i cam barely do this. it hurts so much, white a red spots all over me, all over my face, especially my hands, it is fucking horrible."

Only my baby byrd could do that. I told my mom and she literally pissed herself laughing. After all the trips to the hospital we did with her, these types of accidents cause quite a giggle. At the same time though, I am seriously worried about her.

Jay has started falling apart at the seams. Now that she knows she is coming back, she can't deal with the wait. It's making her break down, and of course it doesn't help that I am breaking down too. It's like being dehydrated in a desert with a glass of water just out of reach. It's barely bareable.

UGH!

Fuck!

Ah well, hopefully I'll get to chat with her tomorrow.

I'm gonna stop here. There is too much swirling around in my head. I think I am just gonna go to bed. Maybe tomorrow the guilt will fade, and my thoughts will clear a bit. All this update did was stir more shit up in me.

I swear there is no escape!

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014