Courtesy of more bullshit from Jay, I have no stability or support in my life at the moment. Everything is spinning out of control, and I am tripping out hardcore. Everything has fallen into place, and right now I am standing on the edge of what feels to be a cliff. You see, I am facing daily injections. Now a diabetic will inject insulin several times a day every day. But if they don't, they'll die. I am going onto a drug therapy for my MS. I am facing daily injections. For some ppl it is no big deal, but for me the fact that a change is coming has me so fucked up I have been getting suicidal. I got a call today that my prescription was being called into my pharmacy. It looks as if next week it all starts. I don't do drugs at all. I have a hard time taking tylenol, and now I am going to be injecting $2000 worth of drugs a month. I'm fucking freaked!
Now is the time that I need reassurance, and to be held, and comforted. I need some support, and some understanding. My dad says "you'll be fine", my mom says "you'll get used to it". I wish it was that easy for me. I am so scared I can't sleep or concentrate on anything. I am literally going mental here. I hate change, I really, really hate it! I can't do this alone, and so far I have no choice but to. My son's birthday is next week. I have no present, I have to make arrangements for everything, and I am on my own with pretty much no cash at all. I have been asking Jay for help, and rather than sending me a few quid, she sends me emails full of excuses. So, I am giving up. I am freaking over all my shit here, and I am not allowed to mention it to her, because whatever bullshit line she is telling me is more important. I am literally completely alone in this. I wasn't supposed to be. I was promised 2 and a half weeks. It's been over a month. Yet again more lies. *sigh*
I just can't take it anymore. It's all too much for me to deal with. I am falling apart at the seams.
I can't live like this. It's these types of days that make suicide an option.
