I'm fucking losing it!

I passed out for a bit, and woke in enough time to tell satan it was bedtime. He then proceeded to tell me that he spilled koolaid and would be a minute. Well, after a few I went to see if he needed help, and caught him. He hadn't spilled anything, but was playing video games. I fucking lost it. He went to bed with no snack, no drink, and I grabbed his controllers and games and put them away. I will not put up with lies. I get enough from Jay, I don't need satan pulling that shit too. I told him he wasn't going to play video games tonight, and that they would still be there tomorrow after school. Well, they won't be now. That pissed me off. By the time I got upstairs his night light was on, room light was off, and he was in bed under the covers. He knew I was pissed. I just told him I won't put up with lies, and that his video games privelidges were cut off. Done deal.

Then I laid back down, and slept for 3 hours. I woke up to go to the bathroom, and have been up since. I have been spontaniously breaking out in tears. I can't concentrate on anything, I am just so fucking alone right now. I was told by Jay that she was coming today. Ya whatever. Yet again no nothing. I haven't even heard from her at all. No call, no email, no fuck all. My life fucking sucks. I literally have no friends. Why? Because I choose not to drink, or do drugs. I don't hang at bars. And my legs are fucked so I can't go walking everywhere. So, I get labelled as being "boring" and ppl fuck off on me. Not to mention I lost a shitload of friends because of Jay. A whole group of ppl lost respect for me because I stayed with her after she lied her ass off to me. Welcome to my world.

Ya I know "poor me", but after my mom being a cunt, and me snapping, I am just crumbling. Not even my supposed gf shows any care for me. Instead I get stories, and bullshit promises. I don't think she has ever had a flight at all. I think the visa is bullshit, as it was before, and I think her stories of having money is bullshit too. For if she had any money, she would have a fucking phone wouldn't she? I'm just sick of empty promises, and bullshit. Either you are coming or not. Either you have money or not, and either you have a visa or not. Not this bulshit I keep getting thrown at me. I have yet again had enough. Only this time I am not waiting 6 months to be fed up. Nope, I was fed up a fucking month ago. I was promised to my face that this time wouldn't be like the last time. And guess what? It IS exactly like last time. The only diff is I haven't heard about her drug usage yet. yay.

This is the first time in months that I have started pondering cutting, and ODing. I went like 3 months being almost happy. So, thats not all that bad. But the lonliness is starting to overtake me, and with that comes stupidity. Which means I will end up being a self inflicting idiot again. Oh well. So be it.

On a lighter note. I am addicted to watching the Prisoner of Azkaban trailer. I piss myself laughing everytime I see Hermione deack Malfoy. It was great in the book, but even better on film. The new movie is hitting Theatres on June 4th. I am well stoked! I will be right there. I also was reading shit in the official website, and The goblet of fire goes into production this month! It is due to be released late in 2005! I am so fucking excited! After reading the books, I am just tripping off the new movies. I especially want to see the Prisoner of Azkaban as it was my fave book in the series. On tues I am ordering The order of the phoenix from satans school. Then I will own all 5. And Joanne Rowling is already writing book 6. *sigh*

I look like another freak in the line up. But I can't help it. I found something that I enjoy, and that makes me happy. Thats rare in itself, so give me a break. I need this.

Well, thats that. I think I am going to attempt sleep again. I have less than 4 hours before I have to be up again.

I'm off!

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014