This pretty much is self explanitory.

Hey dad,

Well, I finally snapped.

We went into Safeway, and I was so tired from dragging my but around the mall, I told mom I just wanted to go home. She announced we were getting subs and eating them with granny. I didn't want to go, but went because I really had no choice.

When we got there, her room was so hot I was seriously getting ill. I couldn't handle it, and I had left my drink in her car. She was parked just outside the doors. I asked her about my drink, and said I accidently left it in the car when she dropped me at the doors. She snorted, shrugged, and laughed. I sat there and stared at her, then said I wanted her keys so I could get my drink. She jumped up and screamed "Fine! I'll get you your fucking drink just to shut you up!" I snapped. I had enough of her before xmas. I am alone here, and can't take the lack of support from everyone. But that was too much. I started screaming at her to give me the keys because I'll get it myself. She started this asshole tirade of how she is my servant anyway. I told her to go fuck herself, and took the keys to get my drink.

I got down the driveway and hit the sidewalk as I forgot the cane in the car too, and my legs gave out from the slope. That just fueled my anger more....hurt pride and all that. I got the cane, and my drink, and went back in. But the room was so hot I was starting to seriously get nauseous. I said I wanted to go home. She said "What? Do you actually expect me to drop everything for you?" I couldn't take it, I said "Fine! I'll fucking walk home!". I gave grandma a hug, and went out the door while she was telling me I am selfish. When I was about halfway home she cuts me off with the car and says "Are you going to continue to be a stubborn whiner? Or are you going to get in the car?" I just spun on her and said "I have had enough of you! Why do you think Hardy never comes around anymore? You are an asshole, and none of us can stand you!" She tore off down the street, and I continued walking. When I was approaching the bldg Kristian approached me, and I apologized to him, and he said "Thats ok, I hate it when grandma acts like this".

I didn't acknowledge her, look at her, or even want her there. I wanted to carry all the crap up myself, I just wanted her gone.

I just can't handle it anymore! Everytime I see her we part with me wanting to off myself. She called me selfish because I asked for help. I don't understand that. I don't tell everyone what all my physical problems are, and how screwed I am from MS nerve damage. I could spend the next 3 days straight naming off all my physical problems alone. But I don't. I sit and quietly listen to her bitch about a sore shoulder, or how her knee hurts a lil so she can't walk. I say nothing.All I wanted was for her to help me out by grabbing my drink for me. I walked home from grandmas, and it took me an hour to do it. I'm actually proud that I walked that far. I guess thats the stubborn ukrainian in me.

But I have to ask you. Am I really that bad of a person? I mean do I just not see it? I mean, all my life I have been told how selfish and selfcentered I am. She has always said that to me. It has me at a point where I can't buy myself anything at all. But I spoil those around me. I drive Claire nuts. She will tell me to pick something for myself, even in a dollar store, and I say no, then come up with excuses. Thats why my clothes are always ratty. I am too busy looking after everyone else.I bragged that I actually bought myself that fairy from walmart. It was a bg deal to me. I am struggling with buying this book, but Kristian wants it too, so I buy it for him.

I just feel like locking myself away from the world. I mean, I can't be THAT bad. I have you in me too, and you are the most generous and thoughtful person I know. I have to have some of that in me right?

I just don't understand.

Sorry for unloading on you. But I have no one else to talk to.

Oh well, At any rate. I enjoyed seeing you today. It was cool seeing all the bikes.

I love you dad.

Amber

There you go.

Shitty day

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014