I have put out an offer for someone to access this diary.

They are transgendered FTM, and remind me so much of Jay it's scary.

I mean those who read this pretty much have been around for atleast a year, so you know the intimate basics of Jay, and our life together. You know her gender issues, the headfuck she went through when she met me because no matter what gender she said she was I said "so what?".

You know the sexual abuse, the mental illnesses....well, 2 of you REALLY know the mental issues . lol Not to forget the hardcore drug addiction, and what have you.

And I know I went into alot of it all in the beginning. I think I went into Jay being depantsed in a school field as a teacher and the class watched, because she was known as "Dave" and a girl in her class decided to destroy her infront of everyone.......by the way, she is still on my hit list.

I dunno, I'm babbling here. I guess I am doing that "trying to save the world" thing again. I'm trying to reach out to someone who has ppl who understand, but might want to know someone who really UNDERSTANDS. I mean shit....Jay still has days where she can't accept being female. Fuck, she can't even accept her real name, instead she is still "Jay". Anyone here who asks is told I nicknamed her that because it is short for "jailbait" and she is 6 yrs younger than me. Only the ppl who have read this diary, her, my mom, and I know it's because she told me that her name was "Joel" but ppl called her "J" for short. The spelling of "Jay" started when my aunt wrote it down that way when I sent roses to england. She lived as a male for 7 years. How strange is it that now she prances like a little girl? lol

She came to me with the body of a 13 yr old boy, the inability to admit she was on her rag, skinny as all hell, and unable to be naked at all. Hell, she lived off of sports bras as she couldn't handle the feminine aspect of a regular bra.

I look at her now, and she is almost the opposite. She accepted being female in about 2002, and since then has filled out. She gained weight and got damn sexy curves, and nice big tits! grrrrr! lol (as Jay reads that and starts to contemplate killing me for it) She is open about any physical things going on, or problems she might have, She owns tons of sexy u/w and prances around in it making me drool, and as for being naked....shit! When satan is here I can't get her dressed! lol

She just changed so much, and grew so much. I know she still has her moments when her issues surface. I mean last summer she was all confused again, and was asking my opinion on her getting GRS again. Hell, I don't care. So what? I mean she is who she is right? Gender isn't going to change that at all. The funny thing is, I took it a step further. I asked satan what he thought. lol There is an entry in here somewhere about it. Satan and his "I don't care. That would kinda make her my dad then". lol Thats my boy.

So, I guess we will see if they go for it. If not atleast I tried right?

What does my dad always say?

"You can't change the world amber."

No dad I can't. But making a difference in one persons life, well....thats good enough.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014