I am worried about Jay. Constantly worried.

I started getting nauseous earlier because she was late meeting me online. This shit with her mom has me turning myself inside out. I am all panicked, and jumpy.

She keeps telling me she can't believe how supportive I am being. If she says the word, I sleep for an hour or 2, then meet her online. I wish I was there to look after her. I know the situation she is in. My grandfather was the only person before Jay, who accepted me for me, and loved me and all my flaws. Watching him die of lung cancer nearly killed me. He dies Feb.17/1992. How fucked is that? I even remember the date, and the fact it was exactly 12:45pm. A baseball game was on the t.v. so he could listen to it. That day is burned in my brain, it always will be.

I think of how lost and alone I felt. How no one was there at all, and I was left out of everything. I was always told to go do something as they were busy with him. I went through it all alone. I start thinking of Jay, and that she is alone in the uk, and I panic from it. I am trying to take away the possibility of her feeling what I did.

Satan is worried about her. I told him straight out that her mom was dying, and all he said was "I wish she was here, I miss her. I hope she's ok". My dad emailed her today and thanked her for bringing so much happiness into my life. He told her he is planning on taking us all out to an Italian restaraunt on the 12th. She was taken back by the email. She can't believe how openly he likes her. But I had sent him an email shortly after valentines to tell him we had been together for 4 years now, that we were getting along better than we ever had, and that I figured she was gonna be around for a long time, so he should get used to it. After that, he seriously started to see us as a real couple, and has started to treat her like he does my sister in law. As if she is his own kid.

My dad is a very amazing person. He is honest, very giving, very loving, and completely generous with his time, money, and love. Since he retired, he has become so much fun. It's great. The way he treats Jay fills me with an inner peace. He discusses with my brother how much they like her. She really is a part of my family.

I am so worried about her. My kids are missing me so much too, as I am them.

Thursday.

Her flight back is Thursday.

Please let her get her visa in a few hours. Let her come back to stay.

We both need it.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014