I hate the fact that I caught her in a lie, and yet she refuses to admit it. When a travel agent says that there is no flight, anf the arrivals screen at your airport says the same thing....then there is no flight. But yet, I have a million emails saying I am wrong. How can I be? Easy! I can't!

Not to mention 2 days ago the flight was at 10am, and today it's magically at 4pm? Ummmm....no. I think not. But I am supposedly the idiot, and she supposedly loves me.

Well, I don't want her kind of love. It's too fucking painful. I would rather she hated me, like apparently she does now. I mean, is it sick that I killed her trust, and her want to speak to me, by being as truthful with her as she is with me? She is convinced that I sold her out. Now, in the last almost 4 years you would think she learned something about me. I spent the majority of my teen years on the street. I have never said a word about anything she pulled, and I wouldn't either. But I led her to believe it, and am now being attacked by her no holds barred. She has gone for my throat about it all. So be it!

I am not going to email her anymore, instead I am going to try to be happy. Not that I even know how to be anymore. She has had me miserable for so long now, and has fucked with my head so fucking bad. I can't even talk to my friends anymore. I hide from them, and listen to my phone ring. I just can't do it. I have closed myself off so much now, that I don't think I will be able to come up for air. She came here with her fears, and gave them all to me. She came with her habits, and gave them all to me, and she even handed me over some of her OCD. I sit and scream at myself. I never used to be this bad. But almost 2 years into her being here, I started to pick it up. By the time she left, I was worse than her.

I know that everything was learned, and that I need to unlearn it. But fuck me is it hard!

And her lies. My son has been hurt by her! MY SON! What did he ever do to her? He loved her unconditionally, and called her his stepmom. No one told him to do that, he loved her that much. Now if her name is said, he stiffens up, and closes himself off. She is just like his dad. She swore she was a better person, and proved to be worse. She has made no attempt to contact him in any way at all. He has his own email addy. What did he ever do?

I hate her so much for what she has done to us, that all I can do is cry. Apparently I fucked up the minute I laid a hand on her. That's so fucked......she ignores laying hands on me, me going into the hospital because of the bruises and welts on my back that were so bad, I couldn't sleep. The chronic neck pain, her choking me, The shit thrown at me. The holes in my walls, and destroyed doors. I am not an angel, but I also don't attack for no reason. There are 2 sides to every coin. She only wants to bring up one. Both she, and JC have threatened the safety of my son. Am I supposed to sit and let them say that then go in his room? No self respecting mother would do that. I won't let anything happen to my son.

All od this is for nowt anyway. Bottom line, she lied again, I caught her in it, she lied telling me I was wrong when I have proof, and now she hates me for something I didn't do. I have sworn myself to silence. No matter how bad the insults get, I am determined to stay silent. I just can't do it. I was attacked once about a year ago because I apparently couldn't handle living with a multiple, and they had no respect for me because of it.

Is this really typical life with a multiple?

I just wanted to be loved, and now I can't let anyone near me at all.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014