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~As the wound festers~ Thursday, Sept. 18, 2003 - 10:39 PM Well, I don't know what to do. My son lost his $100 winter coat today. I don't have the money to replace it, neither does my dad, or my mom. The school is doing their best to try to find it, but I think it's gone for good. After all the times I have bitched at him this week to keep it on, the little asshole took it off AGAIN, and left it outside. Yay. So, I have been in a really shitty mood all night. Of course Jay called acting like everything was fine. I asked her what the fuck she wanted, she says "whats wrong with you?". Ok.....she told me the truth yesterday, I told her to get fucked. Yet she calls today thinking the world is a wonderful place. Ummm...no. No Jay, I'm not fine. No, I'm not happy. And no, I'm not going to be all nice, and lovey to you. No Jay, you can go fuck yourself. I kept telling her to fuck off and hanging up on her, she kept calling back. Must have called me about 8 times in a row. Finally, she stopped. I haven't heard a word since, and she hasn't been online. Now is when I start to make excuses for her like I always find myself doing. Ya, I knew she was fucked up from the beginning. Ya, I now feel guilt from blowing her off. Ya, I am mentally held hostage by her suicide threats of the past. Ya, I am worried about the kids, and wish I could talk to them. Ya I want to erase the last 6 months, and pretend that everything is good, and this never happened. Why the fuck am I like this? Why does my mind do this? Why is it always how she feels, and if she's ok? Why do I never worry about me, and the new MS damage I have from the stress she has put me through in the last almost 5 months? Why am I always so lost without her? IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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