Today marked 100 days without Jay, thats almost a third of a year. Thats rough.

Ell, I wrote a huge entry last night, and accidently brushed the ESC button, and it all went. Let's try this again shall we?

I got my reply from Jays mom. I asked her for her blessing in me marrying her daughter, and she told me she will support us in anything we decide to do, that she only cares about Jays happiness. Judging by my tag-board, Jay figured out why her mom has been smiling at her alot. I really am surprised her mom never said anything to her. I thought she would. But ya, so her mom likes the idea.

We have done alot of talking about the wedding itself, and figure we'll fly her family and friends over, then buy all the seats in one car on a VIA train, and go to Van through the mountains by train. Then we will take over a floor in a hotel, and possibly do the ceremony in the Botanical Gardens. This of course will be fall of next year, so about the beginning of Oct. 2004. Don't worry, we will post pix here for all to see. You can't come, but you can still see.

Been on yahoo alot lately, in an edm chat room. Thinking of not going in there for awhile. I mean I'm a regular, and everyone knows me, but I am tired of having to block the same assholes over and over. Not to mention tonight alone I had 14 ppl tell me they wanted to fuck me, and try to chat me up.

"how about you come here and fuck me"

"How about you fuck off"

And they are ignored. *sigh*

I am aware that my profile says thatI am into bdsm, but please! That doesn't mean I want the world! I had a submissive chick throw herself at my feet tonight, begging to be whipped. I blinked really hard at that. All I did was say hi to her, and next thing I knew she was calling me ma'am and begging me. I blocked her ass in a shot.

Then there is the guy I chat with. Jay knows of him. My instincts are saying I know him from my past. He is being really secretive, and it's picking my ass. The first night I joked with him, we chatted a bit. I sent him an email saying thanks for the chat afterwards. It was just a note, I had fun being an idiot with this guy, he4 had sent me back one the next day, I don't even remember what it said, but his name that showed.....I know it from somewhere. But I don't know where. It is bugging me. I bug him about not showing me what he looks like, and he keeps saying it's his secret. I mean is this guy a nig? or fucking deformed? All he says is I wouldn't like him. Ummm hello? I don't in the first place buddy! But the fucking name is picking my ass.

He made a comment tonight about wanting me, and I swore for a minute it was Russ. It was really fucked up. I mean, could it be him? I blew buddy off with a "that's nice" and changed the subject. Then we were talking about being black and white people. I mean I was talking about how I either go for one thing in a person, or the exact opposite. He said he was black and white with what he looks for in a female....innocent question "whats that then?" I got "My secret" WTF? Ok, nice knowing you jew boy. Fuck whatever. It's like anything that will give away who he is, is hidden. Bur I fucking swear I know that name! I keep thinking M.E. Lazerte. But I am not sure. What I do know, is this secretive shit is getting really old, really fast.

Oh, then there is the 43 yr old who asked me if she could rape Jay infront of me. That was cute. I said "You can fuck right off!" and blocked the bitch. Another bitch invited me to an orgy of nothing but women. Ummmm, ya thank. No really. Hold your breath until I get there. All these fucking edm women are coming out of the woodwork. It's creeping me out. I thought the men were bad. They died off. They all got a speech last night about how I am with Jay, and thats where I stand. So they just bullshit, and joke with me. But the women are in for the kill. It's like falling into a bunch of locusts. Extremely annoying. I think Jay is the smart one, she just goes on a board and flirts. I don't even have to flirt, I just walk in the fucking room.

What gets me the most.....is the guy today who said "why don't you come over and fuck me?"

"why don't you fuck off"

"you just don't want to because you know you couldn't handle it"

"Just keep on telling yourself that to make yourself feel better."

But what I have heard several times tonight is..."there is just something about you"

Ya, I know what it is. I have no sex drive because I am numb from the waist down 98% of the time, and that makes me a challenge. They think I play hard to get, when I truly am not interested.

I found who I want anyway, and sexually she is a perfect match. We are on the exact same level. She knows what I like, and likes what I like. Who could ask for more? I sure as hell couldn't. I just fucking laugh at all these idiots who think I would want them. I'm not fucking desperate. I tell everyone that I don't share, and I don't play well with others. But apparently because of bdsm, I'm supposedly a fucking swinger. Thankfully I have found a few ppl who are seriously into bdsm, and don't want to play with me, but just want to chat about it. One guy I chat to is trying to get rid of a chick who he dommed over once. She is attached to his leg, and pissing him off. He didn't like her, and wants rid of her. But she wants to move in with him, to live the life. He is just freaked, and was trying to convince me to take her. I laughed at him, and made fun of him. "ha ha sucks to be you!" He grumbled at that. I laughed even harder. I'm a complete cunt, and these ppl are fucked up enough to love me. I live in an odd city.

Been seriously looking forward to Jays return. I'll basically leave all this chat shit behind when she gets here. Might go say hi once in awhile, but figure I'll have more enjoyable things to do, like lay in bed watching her on the comp. Or cuddle with her, or shoot spit balls at her. he he

Regardless of what we do, it will be nice. I suppose like her, I go into chat rooms to waste time when there is no one around, and nothing to do. It took me one night to get in with the regulars, and now it's just annoying. The cool people are always busy talking, and the dickheads are always trying to talk to me. I mean, earlier I had a guy asking me how I could enjoy sex with a female. He just couldn't figure it out at all. "Hello? ever heard of a strap on? they never go limp, and she can go for hours" He was all "oh ya, guys usually can't go past 3 times." Then he made me crack up. .."But I don't thing guy guy sex would be any good" Poor fucker. Leave him too it. Geez!

So ya, thats my stories of the night. ppl want me, I want Jay, Jay wants me, and is gonna either kill me, or those ppl when she reads this. lol

I am very glad that her mom likes the idea. I have told Miranda, Geoff, and Ian about me wanting to wed Jay. Miranda is still doing backflips, Ian is psyched and ready to take time off to come, and geoff......well, he is geoff. He is such a fucking loser....(Jay is gonna love this).......He is such a loser that he has it in his head he is going to hit on Jays sister Amanda when the family is brought here for the wedding. He is convinced that she is gonna hook up with him. now hook up....maybe a left hook, aor an upper cut, but I doubt greatly she would ever hook up with him. Trying to tell him this is going nowhere, so I will leave him to it. What fucking ever. He will find out when he is shot down so harsh his balls crawl into his ass. Amanda is kinda like me in alot of ways. She won't take shit from no one. Especially a sorry fuck like him.

Which reminds me. I got to hear all about how he needs to get laid again tonight. He was going on about getting a prostitute nest weekend. Do I look like I care? Didn't think so. Fuck off already. I haven't been laid in like 5 months. Do you see me whining about it? Well, I was earlier, but thats diff. I mean, you learn to accomodate when you are separated for months at a time. Jay is the only person I have ever cybered with, or had phone sex with. No one else. And we never plan it, it just sort of stumbles int hat direction, and we say "fuck it! Why not?" I don't think it's a bad thing, I mean I found it disgusting and pointless, and still do in alot of ways. But it makes us feel closer when we are so far away from eachother. It's not like grabbing a stranger online.

And the stranger brings me back to geoff. He said he wants me to go with him if he picks one up. I refuse to. The last thing I need is it being a cop nailing both of us for soliciting prostitution. Ya ok....how about no. Stupid prick. He is so desperate to get laid, that he is turning bitter. I avoid him alot now. He pissed me off by being a cunt when I told him I wanted to marry Jay. My mom went off on "why does he have to be such a fucking asshole all the time?" She was a bit upset you see. She thinks me marrying Jay is the best idea we have had yet. I talk to her alot about us, and she knows what is going on, how I felt for the last almost 4 years, and she has been involved since day one.She was sitting next to me laughing when I cornered Jay, and forced her into asking me out. She has known about every alias Jay has used, why they were used, and even when we fight, she knows why, and gives us shit for it. She actually wishes she could find a person who will give her what Jay and I have. Thats neat. We have been supported by her since day one. She told me today that she doesn't give a fuck who I marry...male or female. All she cares, is that I am happy. She has seen me miserable with everyone upto this point. For me to be with someone this long, and still be happy....well that is an amazing feat on Jays end. I get bored so easily, and I am so fucking psycho, that I launch everyone out of my life.

But there is just something about that fox that keeps me drooling, and wanting more. I just know that those feelings aren't going to fade either. It's strange how somethings are just so clear, and so apparent. I never saw alot before. I was too busy thinking she was going to leave me. Infact I was so worried, that I prevented myself from seeing reality. My byrd has gender isuues, and has a hard enough time being naked infront of me....why the hell would she ever get naked for someone else? Not to mention the kids. I think that if it truly came down to it, they would try to kill someone who wasn't "mummy". Or atleast I would like to think they would go ballistic and chase anyone else away.

Well, I have been typing for an hour and a half, I am well wasted. I can't stop yawning. I'm goint to end this here.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014