I think this basically sums up how I view myself, and my weight in general.

Enjoy!

Been fucked up with exhaustion, and heat stroke, shrink visit, going back on Prozac, bad PMS, and continuous mental breakdowns.

I'll update at some point properly, but right now I'm a bit fucked.

On a happy note, Jay might be coming back soon. Frank (mca) has been fired for impersonating her manager to MCA USA, he actually spoke to Jay Boberg saying he was her manager. Thats the ceo of MCA.

Last time frank picked her up he was drunk, and started rubbing her leg going on about how he hadn't fucked his wife in ages, and would love to have her. Candi, and Rex got hit with most of it. They were out for a limo ride when he did it. All the kids are locked in a cupboard now, and are scared to come out. Jay is freaking. I am pissed.

So the ceo of MCA UK fired frank, and has hooked a woman/ex groupie whore, called Rochelle upto us, and she is to fly here with Jay asap, and get her signed.

Cross your fingers.

This 30C heat is killing me, and triggering my MS. Kill me now.

But ya, I am at a point where I have made the choice to go back on Prozac. My shrink seemed shocked by it. But I have reached that point. I have gone 3 months without any support, and I am hoping the Prozac will adjust shit in me, so I can seriously start thinking about the shit I am supposed to be soul searching for.

So ya, no lust for life right now, and I look to have 2 severe weeks coming up as the Prozac adjusts in my body. It makes my mental state uncontrollable. It's when I really start to freak and hurt myself. Then the world just gets funny. Basically, I am trying to get drugged out of my skull. Got another 60 ativan too. The guy was even decent enough to give me a refill on both too. So chill pills, and happy pills. Yay.

I'm tired, and can't feel much of anything, so I am gonna go watch a movie. There is way too much going on in my mind, and it will take me about 5 hours to type it all up. I would rather swallow it, and wallow in the pain of all the bullshit.

Sometimes there is a certain comfort in pain, and depression. And I told my shrink that today. That I have been depressed for so long, that I can't imagine not being, and actually find depression comforting.

Life sucks.....thank goddess I have Toots. He is taking care of me now. He said he came out for me this time, and when I talk to him, I actually feel like he is really listening, not just going through the motions like everyone else here does. He just came out, and has been listening to me, and helping me sort shit out, and he has just been there when I needed it. I would have to say, he is the closest to me right now. Leave it to an alter to be the only person to get close to me. Just another reason why I could never be without a multiple. If Jay and I ever split, I would literally be single for good, unless another multiple found me. I swear alters are the only people who can understand me, and know what I have been through in my life.

I still don't know why they never loved me. Why no one ever did.

What did I do to them?

I'm not a bad person.

Fuck it.

I'm going.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014