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lost inside 2001-06-04 - 9:59 a.m. I knew this day would come. I wanted it, I wished for it, I even asked for it. Now I feel ill. I'm sick to my stomache, full of tears that won't come out. I wish the pain would just go away. It's like a death in the family. You might not get on with them, but when they are gone.......it just feels so final. If I say anything to her, all I will get is "I thought that eas what you wanted?". I may have wanted it, but it doesn't mean I won't be ripped apart by it. It hurts so bad, I wish I never said those words. I wish things were as they were before. Yet again, I fucked up and hurt myself. I feel like cutting. I feel like hitting something. It hurts so fucking bad. I need to escape the pain. I was so mean. So full of hate. So heartless. I was all he had, and I denied him it. I took it away. Threw it at him. purposely made him feel bad. Why am I like this. No happy ending here. Just hate, and head fuck. Why am I me. I dunno, maybe he was right, maybe I do love him. It hurts so fucking bad. Everything has already changed. Nothing feels right. I am already lost. I was happy, then when the pressure hit....I cracked. I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to make a choice. I wanted all. both. everything. Now it feels like I have nothing. Nothing but pain. Pain and tears. I wish I could just stop the tears, I wish things could be like they used to be. But there is no turning back now....nothing. OH GOD! JEREMY! I ALREADY MISS YOU! I wish I was dead. IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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