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Pack it in 2001-04-09 - 4:49 p.m. I give up. I don't want this shit anymore. I can't stand to talk to her. If I am sitting alone I feel a strong emotion for her, and a need to be with her, but when we talk, she acts like shes an idiot. She has brains. Is very smart when she wants to be. She does stupid things, gets used, fucked over, and abused.....and what does she say when I point it out? "oh I know". What the fuck is that? If you know, then wouldn't you stop it? A normal person would. First she goes distant, and tells me she doesn't want to talk to anyone including me, then suddenly she loves me, yet has no yime for me. She tells me she has time, but she doesn't. 20min isn't time enough for me. I can't take it anymore. Shawn was stupid, she was smart. Now she acts like him. I resent her for it. I have no patience for her, and really don't want to hear from her anymore. When I am alone I miss her, but when in contact, I want to kill her. I think I am better off being alone and missing her for awhile. I know some of this is PMS, but I just keep watching myself attack her. I'll sit there happy, then if she says one thing wrong, I immediately hate her for it. Sometimes I wonder if what others tell me sinks in. I try to ignore it all, but what if it's actually affecting me. I sit in silence alot. I just sit and think. Sometimes I think that maybe she shouldn't come back. That maybe we should just let it go. Maybe it peaked out as being good when she was here last. Maybe it died because she left. I dunno, all I do know, is I'm not happy, and I want to give up on it all. I have to worry about school, my son, and my health. Talking to her pisses me off so I am short with my son, the stress she gives me fucks my health, and I am worried she won't leave me alone when I need to study. What do I do? As each day goes by, I feel more alone, and am adjusting to it. Do I stay and see what happens? Or go and save what happiness I can remember from us being together? Will it be back to normal when she gets here? Or is the relationship dead in the water? I can't take it anymore. IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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