As I sit here listening to Bootsauce. Anyone remember them? The song playing is "Sex Gorilla". It has been quite an odd night.

I started going through Jays tapes tonight. She brought a shitload of tapes here from the UK, and alot of them have bits and pieces of things she has recorded. The odd song here and there. She basically just shoves a tape in Trevors hands, and takes a copy of what was recorded. Of course, she shoves any old tape in his hand, and the song is recorded on whatever part of the tape it happens to be on....so it's a treasure hunt. "Go here.....turn left.....take 5 paces.....do a back flip..." It's quite a pain. So tonight I started going through them, just looking for good stuff. I'm sure you can imagine the look on my face, when I put in one of my UK Punk, mohawk adorned, mean and nasty gf's tapes.....and it was HANSON!!!!!! I sat there and stared at her in disbelief. Then I started to laugh. She got grumpy, I made fun of her. "Oh Taylor!". Her buddy glen told me once she had a crush on Taylor....she will never live that down. Truth or not, when we are 90, I will still wind her up about it. It's my lot in life to make fun of her.

But, just to show that I care....I started digging through my big old stack of tapes. I put on Ace Of Base and laughed. She shrugged, until she realised it was the entire album, and I new every word to it. I was into it when I was 18. For some stupid reason, I forget lyrics to the good shit, but always remember the embarassing shit. It figures. Then I played Tiffany. Anyone remember that ginger fish? Little miss "I sing in malls". Ya well, I have a compilation that was released in 1988. The song was on there, and I made poor Jay listen to it as punishment for having Hanson.

Then I started sharing with her. I played alot of music I listened to when I was 13. Shit like Voice Of The Beehive, Bootsauce, SNFU....you know...80's shit. I was singing along to it all, and I would look up to see her quietly staring at me, with this odd smile of contentment. I know se likes to just watch me, so I put on a show singing "Cannibal Cafe" by SNFU. My fave song of my teens. I think I amused her a bit.

Oh yes! I can't forget!

Today for the first time ever, I sat Jay down, and I put her new hawk up for the first time. She hadn't put it up yet, as it was too cold before today, and I have never even attempted to put it up before. I left her to it. I have now come to the conclusion that I love doing it, and need to buy some nice and nasty, alcohol filled hairspray to re-enforce the hawk when I put it up. Lets all watch amber fill the apt. with hair products, shall we? Yes, I think we shall. I don't know...I found it to be quite a nice job, and yes I am tooting my own horn.

Well, I left Jay on the comp for hours this evening, and a bunch of the kids updated. So that was a nice treat for me, and them probably. There has been a bit of a power struggle between The Great One, J.C., and Jonjo. A bit of jealousy on the part of my bitches. They are a bit pissed that The Great One appears to be taking over. At one point they also thought she was going to take me from them. No one could do that. I'm here for good thanks.

Thats one thing about my kids. They get jealous of everyone, and everything. If I talk to someone they immediately go on the defensive, and start insulting them...until they realise there is no threat. Then they relax, and decide it's ok. If I talk to another alter, then immediately I am going to leave them for that other multiple. A 5 min conversation, and explanation usually fixes that. Jenn, and Jade are about the only people that they feel comfy with me talking to. Jenns kids aren't a threat anymore, but they still aren't sure about Jade's. They are new faces you see. But as her kids approach Jays...well, they are relaxing.

So Jay has had a few odd nights here. I have insomnia, so she stays up with me. Now the thing is, when Jay gets tired, she really gets tired! Thats when the stupid shit comes out. A couple of nights ago, she blurts out "I like big dildoes!". I just stared at her lost. Then she snapped awake, and says "what? did I say that out loud?" I burst out laughing. There was another time I was on the phone with hert, and she was dozing off and said "one day when I was 137..." I said "what?!" she said "what?" I said "you just said one day when you were 137!" she said "oh. I was just seeing if you were paying attention". We laughed at that for weeks. Thats okay....last night she dreamed she had an 11" penis. Figure that one out.

Right now my byrd is laying in bed telling me stories from drug use and touring. Those are the best stories. She just told me that one time she took some form of drug, she doesn't know what, and she climbed out the window of the hotel because she thought she was like spiderman. When the fire dept came and got her down, they were booted from the hotel. Thats my byrd. Always getting into something.

he he, Morse is tapping on her foot right now.

I did the template to taffys-hell tonight. Jay went through some of our books, and she picked out some rather icky pics. I scanned them, sized them up, and slapped them on there. She is happy with it. I'm not. Like this template, I have to constantly be tweaking it. I need more pix for her diary. I think tomorrow, I'll go on a serious search through my books. If all else fails, then I am going to attack my moms true crime library. I already borrowed one book for scanning, I might as well do them all. he he Yes, the template is morbid in there, but the content is morbid too. The entry she did in there after I finished working on it, has just managed to piss me off. I want to hunt the fuckers down and torture the shit out of them....much like some peoples cousins...and you two know who you are. *winks* I am so fucking sick of all these assholes that think it is okay to hurt people. But that is an entire other entry. I have been centering and grounding myself all night. I am trying to regain control. I'll hold off on my sadistic rant for now. But as we all know, the beast can never be kept quiet. I'll bark about it all soon enough.

I guess I am getting fed up with dwelling on my past. Sometimes it pops out, and I can't ignore it, and it eats away at me. But right now, I am choosing to lock away my memories, and to put them all in a back room. I have other things I wish to concentrate on. Like online friends who ask me for help, but I can't because of depression. A gf who gets torn apart by my mental cycling, and what it does to me. Then there is Satan....I want to play with him more.

Which brings up a panic attack. I think next week Satan is going to be walking to school by himself for the first time. My nerves are shot, but I promised him he could once the snow melted. Well, everything here is brown, and dusty. So I guess the time has come. I am paranoid as a hell. He is my one and only, I threaten to dismember people who bump into him......I realise he is 7 now, and has the mind of a teen, but DAMN! He looks like a baby to me still. He is still the toddler who used to dump 4L of milk on the floor because the jug was too heavy, and he was trying to pour himself a drink. This is going to be harder than leaving him in his Kindergarten class for the first time. I paced the entire time he was in class. I nearly went mental. Now I am used to him being at school, but this is a big step for me. I am relesing him to the world. So what if it's 2 blocks.....it might as well be a thousand miles! He is my boy, my satan, I live for him. *sigh* This is gonna suck. I think I'm gonna make Jay tail him.

Damn....now I want to work on my template again. I swear it's never ending.

I'm off!

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014