Greetings all of my avid readers! *applause*

Well, I just got off of the phone. I spent the last 4 hours on there with Jay. We are seriously in a bad space right now. She is head fucked from her dads funeral, I am so fucking lonely it's killing me. I have tried calling all of my friends, but the assholes are wrapped up in their own worlds. No one even knows Jay is gone, and only one knows her dad died. Friends huh? I'm beginning to think not.

So after a long chat, Jay wandered off to nite nites. If you can call it that...6am isn't really night time. Damn GMT always kills her.I'm forever worrying about her. Today hit her really hard, not to mention it was massively fucked for her family. No one could believe how grown up she is now. She was always clinging to her mom when she first came here, now she clings to me. If you can call it that.....more like I cling to her really. We are eachothers support systems.

Shit inside has been pretty fucked. The kids are freaking over not being here with me. The all miss me like mad, and are starting to worry that I might forget about them. It took alot of explaining, but I think I finally got it through their heads that I couldn't forget them. They are MY kids after all. But.....Bleach slipped up again. He spoke to Jays mom again. She finally got wise to it too. She sort of confronted Jay with a "I remember amber told me you have kids in your head". Jay just sort of went "ya". Then one of the boys came out, to her saying "how is that then?". The kid answered with "it's alright, they absolutely adore amber". That was that. Bleach popped out twice in the last 48 hours, and her mom caught both times. I personally like the fact that she has seen it. Now she will realise the damage that was done. Perhaps now she can actually see what Jay lives with. It kinda points out why I have animosity, so I don't have to explain it. I just want her to acknowlede that she did fuck up in joining in, and not stopping him from doing what he did. She stopped after a few years, but she did enough damage on her own that I know he wasn't always the reason behind her actions. She has worked to make up for it though, I will give her that.

Jay told me tonight that her mom wants to become friends with me.Her mom wanted to call me, and talk to me tonight. I said no. Now is not a good time to talk to me. If Jay was here, and we were fine, then I would say yes. But with me being all over the place mentally, and wanting to go on a killing spree in the uk......well, what would I say to her? "I fucking hate you you useless disgusting baby raper! I'm glad your husband died, and I hope you are next!". Ummm...ya. That really wouldn't go over well. So I will leave it alone until I can calm myself down, and become one with reality again. If she offers friendship, then for Jays sake I would like to take her up on that offer. But right now isn't a good time for me.

I am a sick puppy though. Jay goes on and on about how all she could think of is that her dad is now dust (cremation), and how she can't stop envisioning him burning. What do I say? "it's better than what I would do to him. All I can think of is a pink tutu, and taxidermy". Hey man, couldn't you just see a middle aged man in brown sock with suspenders on them, wearing a pink tutu, and posed by a taxidermist waving like the queen? I figured he could be a good lawn ornament...I dunno, what do you think? I'm bad though...Jay is sad and going on about her dad being dust, and what do I say...seeing as I am so thoughtful? "hopefully someone will sneeze". Ya...I am just full of tact. I got her laughing a bit so it can't be all that bad in the end.

So, for everyones enjoyment....I have a pic.......

This is Jays neice Dani. She is a saucy little girl with her aunts attitude. (she denies it, but we all know it's Jays fault.) When I first saw this I nearly died laughing. So I figured that it might amuse some of you out there in la la land. So enjoy.

I miss my byrd. She is talking about coming back on thursday. I hope she does. It would be nice. But she has to go into Watford first or my mom will kill her. As dumb as it sounds, my mom wants her to buy some special hand soap. Apparently my mom is addicted to the shit, and gets it brought to her whenever someone goes to the states. Well, Jay opened her big mouth and says "theres a place by mine that sells that soap". Well, there goes my mom on a fucking tangent. She has already jokingly said that if Jay forgets to buy it, she is gonna make her walk back from the airport. That be a long way....so Jay has no choice. My mom will kill her...she has already said she would kill for that soap. God is my mom simple sometimes. And people wonder why I'm weird! My mom is the one that raised me on Monty Python, and Pink Floyd...you do the math.

Well, I better be off to bed. I have to be up in just under 8 hours, and I feel like shit unless I get 10 hours a night. Damn MS! It's always getting in the way.

Laterz

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014