As I experiment with html and appear to succeed. There is no better band in my world than The Exploited. Others will try to argue that point with me, but they can go to hell. Wattie is my personal god, and I shall worship him for as long as I live. I don't care how old he gets, when he is 70 he will still be hot to me. *pause to duck object being thrown at me by Jay* Sorry dear, you know the whole story. I am allowed to dream.

So, a severe depression has now set in. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't even smile. All I do is get lost in my own thoughts and cry. It's no way to live. Believe me, I hate it. So I have an appt with my doctor tomorrow. I need help. I can't live like this anymore. I need drugs, therapy, and a kick in the ass. Everything is just going downhill for me. I need a couple of bucks to take pix of Jay. I still haven't heard from my brother yet. I'm gonna have to email him. I need those pix done up of Jay. I need to get all this shit sent off. I need to feel useful. I have to stay busy, or I fall into depression.5 days after my dx I was in school. I had a short break last summer and I fell under this depression. When I was back in school I was happy. Now that I am off for a year I am falling apart. I need to be doing something to better myself. I am going to ask my doc for a note saying I am unable to work for 6 months. I need to straighten myself out. My health is getting worse, because my depression is getting worse. I'm tired of being trapped in this ongoing circle. I want out. I looked like I had so much going for me, and I wanted it so bad. As soon as it all fell through, I died inside. I am trying to get me back again. I need to relax. I need to exhale. I need to get high. Drugs are out of the question, so I choose to be in nature.

*onto an odd story*

Last year I found signs of having faeries in my house again. I had picked up a xmas cactus at my neighbourhood wally world. I had that bloody thing for about 2-3 months. Out of nowhere 2 other plants started growing out of it. I don't have these plants in my place at all, and nothing even comes close to them. They just started to grow. I eventually transplanted both of them, and unfortunately could only save one. The other passed onto it's other realm. But the one I did save is now almost 1ft tall.It is getting all bushy and big. It is just growing like a weed. Everyday you can see a major difference in it. I originally thought the plants were fairy houses, but the height of this plant, and the amount of growth on it, almost look like a message for me. As fucked as it sounds...there is no way the plants came along in the cactus. They just sprouted from nowhere, and are growing faster than a normal plant does.

My entire place is full of plants, and witches. I suppose that all of my babies(plants) keep me sane. They are my own personal meditation. My biggest thrill of the year was finding a white bird of paradise, taking it home, and having it sprout a new leaf in the first month of being here. Thats my joy. It's catching onto Jay too. She now has her own plants.I have vines, Ivy, Shamrocks...both green and purple, palms, prayer plants, and an ocean of other things. The most amazing thing I am growing is some lavender I started from seed. Now if you have ever tried to start a lavender seed in Edmonton, let alone in an apt....well, you will understand. It is impossible. So, this year you can imagine my pride when I started one. My baby is doing very well now. It is proving itself to be quite sturdy. I am so excited over it. Sad I know....I get excitement off of plants....growing things is good therapy for me. It makes a home feel like a home too.

I'm hoping that I can straighten everything out tomorrow, get on the dole soon, and get Jays shit out to companies. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

Laterz

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014