I've fucking had it.

I have swallowed to much bullshit in this past weekend. So much, that I am almost happy about Jay leaving. Not good is it? Nope not at all.

I wanted to have a good weekend, a fucking wacked out weekend. But no. That will never happen. I feel like I'm stretched to the point of breaking. I have Jonjo trying to fix everything, and play referee. I have JC screaming at me over every little thing. I have kids that need me, and I'm not allowed to be upset sround them. Jay who is incapable of doing anything without me. Fuck man! Even making Kool-aid confuses her! She had to ask me if one cup was made of 4 or 7 1/4cups. FUCK OFF ALREADY!

I am the only one who cooks in this place. I try techingher how, but it's like teaching a blind person handwriting. The only reason she made something to drink is because I complained that I was sick of doing it, and I hadn't had a fucking drink all day. She won't care, she always has something. I have to make sure there is always lots of pop, as she won't drink anything other than pop, or the odd fruit juice. She bitches about my son eating, when she eats like a fucking pig. Why does she eat like that? because she has hungry alters. Why am I losing weight, because I give the majority of everything I make to her, and even after I am done eating, I am always still hungry. I have just learned to ignore it.

I'm tired of living like this.

I wanted to have a nice kinky night with her. I can't even do that. JC pops out and picks a fight. The kids pop out and need something from me. I can't book a fucking appointment for sex thanks! I'll be like grandmas fucking cunt if there is no spontanaiety. Oh she'll read this and get all offended, and pull a "why didn't you say something, I could have blocked them?" Why? because I am tired of the shit. I say that I am thinking of that, she turns into this vulgar man like disgusting comment maker, and I get disgusted, and every thought I had of a sexual manner turns into me feeling dirty, and wanting to beat her into a coma. Thats why.

I am a rape victim, I don't like admitting it, but I am. I have tons of sexual hangups, and this is a major one. I can't just jump her. Nope....a kid pops out when I get close to her. Even Jonjo pissed me off a couple of days back shouting "ya! Shake that ass!" at me. What am I meat? Do I deserve no respect at all? I do what I can for everyone, and I get fucking ignored. The thank yous have become automatic now. They come after I do something that is expected of me. And I know "I don't expect anything from you". Umm, ya....ya you do. Who cooks meals. I won't eat a butter and herb pasta for dinner, or fucking oriental noodles. It would be nice to have a real meal.

I talk about the fact that I am tired of following behind people, and making drink. My son I can understand. But she knows how. So I say tonight that I have made the last 6 jugs, and I am tired of being the only one. What do I get in return......JC..."ya well you never replace the toilet paper. Jay did the last 5 times, she HAS been keeping count". Toilet paper? Ummm...ya, ya I have. I go in to there being nothing in there. I bring in 3 rolls at a time. But no......I never do the bog roll.

Then comes the....I clean this, I clean that. OCD over washing dishes doesn't count. I have had her mad at me for doing the fucking dishes. She ends up in a blind panic over the fact she didn't do them. Or the cleaning of the apt. I never asked her to do a fucking thing here. I have told her not to on several occasions. I get ignored, and told I will never do it. Just becaiuse I don't jump on things immediately doesn't mean I won't do it at all. This place will run without her. I'm not incapable. Lazy maybe, but not useless. I just do things on my own time. I always have.

I've just fucking had enough of it all.

A little common sense, and some fucking intelligent thinking would be nice. I feel like I am raising 2 children here. Maybe having her back IS a bad idea? I don't know. All I know is I am not allowed to be anything but happy. She gets pissy with me, the kids get scared, anf JC yells at me if I am not all smiles and rainbows.

GUESS WHAT ASSHOLES? I'M FUCKING DEPRESSED AND HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS. I AM TIRED OF THE MASK I AM BEING FORCED TO WEAR!

Is a little help, understanding, and patience too much to ask?

In this place......yes.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014