Can't stop breaking down. No matter how hard I try to be strong about all this, I just can't. She is always under foot, or in my hair. Now I am alone and scared.

Jay left this afternoon on a 4pm flight to calgary. 41 min ago her flight from calgary to London took off. I'm scared, I can't deal with this. How can a person deal with separation. My dad laughed at me when I burst into tears at the end of the runway as her plane flew over me. He said "It's just a week amber" Ya ok, maybe it is just a week to him, but for me it's a lifetime.

I can't just dismiss this as if it's nothing. I am separated from my soulmate. If she was only in Calgary I would be fine, but she is flying half way around the world. She is thousands of miles away. She is on the other side of the earth. How can I forget it? I feel empty and lost without her. When I dropped her at the gate, I felt the tears wanting to come. As I walked away, I glanced back to see her glancing at me. We exchanged a smile, then she was gone. It kills. It kills more than anything in this world. Why does she always have to be taken from me?

Only death can stop this pain.

As I was arriving at my apt from the airport, I was just about to put my key in the lock to open my door, when I heard the phone start to ring. It was Jay saying she made it to Calgary. She said she loved me, then the call was over, and reality set in.

She is gone....she's really gone. She didn't just step out for a minute, she is gone. I am only half a being without her. Completely lost on my own.I need her to survive. I feel like I am choking.

My MS is acting up, and I have felt shitty from it all day. She is the only one who makes it al better.

I miss my kids. I never had a chance to say bye to them. I hope Tel does what he said he would, and draws me lots of pictures. I hope Dog does too. I miss Jonjo and her quirky attitude, and J.C. and the way she picks on my, then looks at me and says "I like you". They all make me happy, and keep me sane. What am I gonna do without them? I keep worrying that Jays head is going to explode with her this far away from me.

I just don't know what to do. I wish I didn't have MS, so I could smoke a joint, get stupid, and forget for a few hours. But I can't. I have to face the pain. I just miss her so much now. How am I ever going to survive a week? I need her here with me.

Life isn't worth living without her.

Laterz

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014