Today saw the integration of 7 kids.

I'm physically and mentally exhausted...and emotionally I'm a wreck.

Trinity went today.

All my trin trin ever wanted was a best friend. She made 2 in other systems, and lost them both. Then Jade came out, and they were inseperable....until the very end. The girls went in together.

She was the first kid I met, and I saw her as my own daughter. I'll be messed up for a few weeks I think. I feel like I lost my own flesh and blood. She was my girl. My little helper. My own. Her birthday is friday. I was gonna make tacos, her fave food. I gave her the birthday present we got her about 15 min before she went in.

OH FUCK IT HURTS!

I love you so much my little one. All I can do is take comfort in the fact that you finally got your best friend, and that you were finally truly happy. Now you'll always be happy. No more pain or loss for you.

Fuck I miss her. She was the constant. The innocent. The daughter I never had.

Everyone is a bit messed that she's gone. The house is quiet right now.

Thank fuck I found Julie something that can make her feel useful. She wanted to go in cause she was bored. I couldn't handle that. Not now. Not yet. I need her more than she could realize.

I'm clinging to Squirt, Cub, Dibs, and Sapphire now. The only comfort I have right now I got from my prince. Squirt told me tonight that he's determined to stay for atleast 4 more years. I wish it could be forever. He's one I can't see living without. And Cub? He and Squirt have been my boys since day one. They are a part of me.

I know I'm in mourning over the losses today. I'm finding it hard to smile. I'm crying alot too.

I loved Tuck the first time I looked him in the eye, and Josh? When he hugged me goodbye, I didn't want to let him go!

Oh fuck!

No more integrations please. I can't handle it. Not anytime soon. I just want us to concentrate on the shadows, and removing some of the abusers, and threats that are out there. All I care about is the safety and security of the system.

Just let the ones in the house stay there for a while.

Fuck. I feel like I just lost a bunch of my family members. I know it's a positive thing, and that it's inevitable , but fuck does it hurt.

I'll be watching her for signs of you guys. Never doubt for a second if I loved you.

This pain is killing me!

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014