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~hurting~ Sunday, Apr. 27, 2008 - 8:52 PM Got back from doing dinner earlier. It wasn't until we got there that I realized my mom was invited too. We were having fun, eating, relaxing, and joking for almost 3 hours. I had dinner tonight, in a restaurant, with both of my parents...just us and my son. That shit hasn't happened in about 26 years. Now I can't help but cry over it. Yeah I had a great time, and some guy was in there doing balloon animals...he made a bear on a harley for my son, and a monkey that is a foot and a half tall, holding bananas. It was an amazing time. IT WAS THE WAY THINGS WERE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING BE!!! I feel so fucking cheated. I had to wait until I was 32 to feel like I was loved and belonged somewhere. They fucked me out of a childhood. I was screwed out of happiness, security, and any form of comfort. When my dad fucked off I was 7. He left because the bitch drove him away. Her bullshit destroyed any form of happiness and security I had. Their divorce is what caused a deep depression at 7. My first suicidal ideations were at 8. I was sitting on the floor with an open bottle of bleach infront of me....wondering if I could drink it and get enough in to kill me before the pain kicked in. By 10 I was dangling myself out a 2nd story window...held on by only my feet...I would stare down to the ground, trying to figure out how I could fall, and land in such a way that I broke my neck instantly. WHAT THE FUCK? I am missing approximately a year and a half of my life. Complete disassociation. THAT is what their divorce did to me. I'm crying to hard. I have to stop. IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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