Internal Movement -> Latest Bitching and Complaining-> Past Bitching and Complaining -> Interesting Comments from People -> ->Bitch me out here! My other diaries! -> My brain farts!-> My Bitching! -> My Fantasies! Szandora.com Free Pic of the Day
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~Trying~ Wednesday, Mar. 07, 2007 - 7:51 PM I'm trying, I really am. But this time I'm finding it so hard to go back to how it was. Why should I just drop it and accept it all. Move on with shit like nothing happened? I'm sure for some ppl that isn't a problem. But after all the running, the threats have become just as bad. I just can't do it. I can't let down my guard again. I can't allow myself to get hurt again. All that time and energy that I put into this. All the barriers I let drop. All the feelings I let in. It's all fucked again. This time I cut worse than I have to this date. It wasn't enough. I need to wreck another razor. The blade is dull, and wouldn't cut deep enough. I hate this. This empty cold feeling in me. This lack of interest in anything happy or loving. I just don't want to know anymore. I'm sick of the pain, the threats, and the stress. I just can't do it anymore. It will be a long time before I let my guard down again. I will not be put back in a situation where I am going to be destroyed again. Not now, not ever! Fuck love. It's nothing but fucking suicide anyways. IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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