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~History? Again?~ Thursday, Jan. 18, 2007 - 7:55 AM My life has changed drastically in the last few days. I remember back almost 7 years ago, just days after my ex's 19th birthday, I was talking to her on the phone and ended up having a certain conversation that was about as life altering as you could get. It was the biggest compliment I had ever recieved, and I held it dear to me for years. Well, 3 days ago I was lying in bed with my girl... I ended up having that conversation again. I guess a part of me saw it coming. I mean, I saw alot of signs...I just brushed them off I guess. What I don't understand is...what is it in me that attracts these types of people to me? I can understand one, but 2? Back to back even? And much like my ex, my girl approached me first. I may have spoken first to my ex, but she started the initial flirting, and my girl pounced on me online initially. I'm not too sure if I know what to think about all this right now. I guess in a way it scares me. It changes so much, and causes so much stress. But compliments me so much at the same time. I just don't like the amount of pain that was involved before me. I know what to do, and how to handle it. Infact I already have everything under control. My girl has never looked so relaxed as she has in the last couple of days. But this is a serious long term committment that does infact scare me. I don't want history to repeat itself. I don't want to lose everything again. I remember saying to her the day I met her in person "There is something so fucking familliar about you. Something about you reminds me of my ex in alot of ways. But, I can't quite put my finger on it." I know what that "Something" is now. Je, Ka, Ji, Sa, Mi. I hope I have the strength to endure this pain all over again. I wish I had someone to talk to about it. I can't even talk in here properly. I may have to lock up to be able to be open. I just hate locking up. It makes me feel like what I have to say is dirty and disgusting. I loved before, and I can feel it starting to grow in me again. How can you not love someone who looks at you with so much innocence and hope? "You will look after her won't you?" Yes, yes I will. I promise. And so it begins.... IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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