I am up and down like a yo-yo. I think I live inside my head too much. Infact I fucking know I do. But when you have no one else to talk to, you do that shit.

Jay just answered my 14 k email....finally. She told me straight out that she doesn't mind me having a sub, and always expected it to happen, so it is no big deal, as long as they know their place. It's nice knowing she understands me. She also finally admitted to me that a certain male isn't a threat. Even if I did say I wanted to whip his ass, and make him beg. Mwuahahahahaha *swoon*

She also told me that my sending her cash on monday was perfect timing. She has no food, and the dole informed her today that rather than getting cash today, she has to wait until the 21st for it. da da da daaaaaaaaa! Amber to the rescue!!!!

I think I'll send her more on the 20th as well. With me not eating the food is lasting forever, and Satan and I don't eat alot to begin with anyway. So, I can pull off feeding my byrd. And hey...staying alive is needed so I can make sure she can eat right? Gotta find something to hold onto.

She told me that she will be alone for xmas as everyone is doing something else. So, she will be as alone as I will be. Funny how that is almost a comfort to me. Kinda a misery loves company type thingy.

Oh, I also got in shit for both not eating and cutting. I was told I shouldn't be cutting if I am not eating as I don't need to be doing both...but also that I shouldn't be doing either. So fine....I'll back off on the S.I. but fuck eating! I'm done with that shit.....not to mention rather happy that my mom pointed out that I am losing. I just wish I had a scale......oh well. I know what I weighed last time anyway. I'll compare it to xmas. My fucking mom is gonna be doing her xmas baking this weekend, and is planning on giving me a pile of it. I didn't have the heart to tell her I wouldn't eat it. Anyone want some?

So ya. The brakes are on with the whole offing myself for a moment. She was really positive about them saying they will ship her back in Jan. So, I'll hold on. Maybe I'll buy a shitload of phone cards and maybe we will be able to talk on xmas? Here's hoping.

Back to the sub thing.....In the email I sent her, I requested permission to get me one, but also asked that she not run from it, as it would be nice to have my pitbull around incase I needed her, and that she could come in handy when it came to unnerving a sub. I really have no problem with whipping a sub while my girl plays video games in the same room. It's almost comical. Not to mention I am sure she would have a few things to say...."fucking useless prat...beat the fuck out of him for looking stupid ambs" lol

So, a hunting I can go. And a whipping I can do. I am actually starting to feel a bit more whole. I really don't like mixing bdsm with relationships. I like my relationships to be equal, but a sub is a lower life form to me. So the balance gets thrown off a bit, and it just isn't fun. But thanks to my baby byrd, I will have the best of both worlds. Yay me!

Only Jay can make it better. And yet again she does......well, somewhat anyway. I have temporary stability.

Let's see how long this lasts.

I'm not really this fucked up of a person really. I just take separation really hard. Between my demons, her demons, and the assholes that surround us....we live a "Us against Them" mentality. Separation leaves us fending for ourselves, like fish out of water starving for air.

Hmmmmmmm

I wonder how long it will be before I crack again?

SOMEONE GET ONLINE AND TALK TO ME!
I'M BORED!!!!!

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014