I probably shouldn't do this as it is from her locked diary. But I am looking for the shit that attracted me to her in the first place.

So Ya.....

" i had to go and pick up the 'heroin tapes'up today. the h tapes are 4 video tapes of being on the road with subhuman race, i was with them in 98-99 and hell i sunk so much crap into my viens and drunk the country dry and destroyed so many hotel rooms ....... these tapes of could destroy me. so thinking ahead i went to collect them from arsehole. he handed them over like a lil pussy then i proceeded to remind him why we hate eachother and i kicked his fucking face in. halfway thru i spotted a golfclub he had by the door and i took it upon myself to beat the shit out of him with it, i felt every whack connect with his face. in a sense it mmade me feel fucking ill when i heard the crack. i got out before the cops came and came home."

I fucking love that!

"on a different more raw note i succesfully managed to piss of the guy living opposite me, i hate the wanker and i plugged in my bass and mic and began playing/singing a didit about his scabby arse at full range. his family stood outside yelling and cursing while i grinned,hollared and played. fucking nasty peed he is!"

That says it all.

"I ran straight into a fucking door frame,knocking me onto my arse and busting up my nose! i have no idea what made me want to run downstairs, maybe it was the warm scent of the food on the cooker or the fact i was scatty looking for the phone,etheir way i knocked myself senseless then dazed i laughed and went to clean myself up. said, done. i sort everything out and all is disturbed in jay-land again. well shit, you'd never buggery well beleive it! i did it again, only 15 mins later! it literelly knocked me right back onto the floor,onto my back winding the shit out of me. i lay on the floor, checking all my limbs were intact and laughing. I MUST be close to seeing amber,i'm getting klutzy again!"

Very typically Jay...

"the rumour is that he had to go to ER last night because he had a fucking hoover nozzle stuck up his triangle! yep, the fuck was getting his rocks off last night with a vacum cleaner and he managed to shove the nozzle way up his arse and by all sheer smartness he got it stuck,panicked and a gf cut the nozzle off to leave part in him. Well....I am me and curiousity got the better of me and i actually called him up.

"hey man i heard you was doing a lil spring cleaning and a nozzle found it's way up your arse. checking for lint was you?!" he hung up on me. that fucker! i know him and if he runs, it's true! that was good enough for me."

Fucking classic that was!

"i was looking at old pics on discs, reading old convos where i relised my assholeness does NOT get better with age! lol and i was spitting so much drink over the keyboard from laughter i was as good as going to malfunction it!"

he he

""we're out of strawberry" by then i had had enough and i had to speak up.

"how the fuck can you be out???? do you want me to go outback and milk a fucking pink cow!? get up off your lazy arse and put some more shit in the machine and make one"! "

With style of course.

" An evening after a gig i had done a bunch of zombiedust and heroin, it knocked me right on my arse and i could of converted to judisim that night for all i knew. in the morning i staggered back to my house and for once i decided to be human to the bitch who lived a few doors down and who was watering her patch of grass. i said hi, she turned,dropped the hose and froze. i couldn't figure out what her problem was. I stepped in the door way and connor stared at me "are you ok, what happend to you"??? he said with alarm in his voice. i ran up the stairs and looked in the hairsprayed stained mirror to see my face covered in blood from chin to nose,evidently i had gone down on paula and she had started her period.i was too fucked up to notice. When i spoke to her she told me i had argued with her about going down on her i had told her i didn't want to because she was on her rag and i was too fucked up.She told me she was so pissed off that she sat on my face and squirmed around a whole lot and i passed out! she got nowhere and i got bizarre looks from my neighbours!"

Fucking classic as all fuck!

"when we finally reached munich i was so fucking drunk my head was spinning. As we stepped off of the bus i came crashing down, i tried to catch myself on poles, but i only succeded in smashing the bottle of jd and brought poles down, i quickly followed,tumbling headfirst a mass of broken glass,blood and limbs."

She is still just as graceful...even sober!

"Now i was convinced i was a soul or ghost of somesort, stuck in limbo on earth material objects could nop longer stand in my way. so i tried to walk through the patio door in order to hear what they were saying. that's when i REALLY hurt myself! the noise of my body colliding with the door shocked the group in the house to life they ran to the door and looked in panic,only to find me lying on my back."

That always makes me laugh.

Well, that's a taste of what ppl are missing from her diary.....well, except for you Jade. Make sure you read from the beginning. Some of it is hilarious!

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014