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~Thus it begins...~ Monday, Sept. 27, 2004 - 9:38 PM As I sit here staring at a flight tracker and watching the love of my lifes plane move further away from me, I can't help but ask myself.... Is she ok? Is she scared? Is she sad? Is she upset? Is Skit okay? Is he scared? Is he upset? Is he staying in and hiding? Does she feel ill? is she ok? Will she get any sleep when she gets there? *sigh* Well, it's been a long, rough, fucked up day. Yep. Jay is in the air flying back to England. I was fine with it. Truly ok, and feeling extremely positive. But when the sun is up, it feels like she just stepped out to get something, or went for a bike ride. Night is completely different for me. When the sun goes down, the darkness creeps inside. The emptiness is there, and the light goes out. The pain and lonliness hits hard. Really hard. I was holding her earlier, before we left. Silent tears were slipping from my eyes. I kept wiping them away hoping she wouldn't notice. I know she did though. She notices everything, she just doesn't say anything. I am so lost. No Skit rolling on the bed behind me rocking his "baby" (my hot water bottle) telling me that he wants a kiss, or to do neopets with me. No Jay running around cleaning everything in sight, bitching about Satan, and grumbling about craving a food we don't have. We were grocery shopping after the airport and Satan says out of nowhere..."It's really quiet without Jay here". He's right. It is. I can usually struggle through the weeks. But weekends fucking kill me. Satan goes to my moms, and I sit here alone. My best friend just moved to Fox Creek again. His wife said it's forever. I won't hear from him anytime soon now. All I have left is Jay, and I go mental when she is in the air. It automatically means that I have no contact with her for atleast 16 hours. Those are the longest hours of my life. All I can say is....
2 and a half weeks.......just 2 and a half.... I can do this. Can't I? IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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