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~Ya, I'm ok~ Friday, Sept. 03, 2004 - 11:46 PM It's funny how you can live with a person, be around them 24/7, but be so fucking lonely you want to slit your wrists. Ya, I'm lonely. Since I hurt my knee, I've been miserable. If I am in my room, Jay goes downstairs. If I go down, she goes upstairs. All day and evening she is constantly doing something. Then at night she settles down, and falls asleep. If I am talking to her or the kids, they walk away. I'll be in mid sentence and they just walk out of the room like I wasn't talking. The kids are out when Jay isn't doing anything, and then Jay comes out and wanders off again. I haven't had any quality time with my gf for almost 3 weeks now, and she is leaving on the 27th again. I caught myself thinking the other day, that I am all alone right now anyway, when she leaves I might as well leave it at that, and just never call, or email her. I sit in the same room as her, and I feel like I am sitting by myself. She doesn't look at me, talk to me, or show any interest in me at all. She is in and out of the apt all day every day, she doesn't even talk to me. It's killing me. My knee is still fucked up royally, and I am doing shit myself. Just askng her for help with something makes me feel like I am in the way. She'll say it's pms or something, but it isn't. I am sad. Really, really sad. I don't feel loved. I don't feel wanted, and I am always feeling in the way, and damn useless. I get attention when I cook food, and 99% of the time it's from the kids. The last time I asked for just plain 1 on 1 time with her, the kids went to camp, and she seemed to avoid me the whole time. I ended up asking for the kids to come back so that someone might actually talk to me. I just can't live like this anymore. I am miserable, and lonely. If I am gonna be this fucking lonely, I might as well be alone. Just 24 more days. 3 and a half weeks. Is that going to be the end? IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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