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~Pain~ Monday, May. 17, 2004 - 5:25 PM Well, I told Jay today that I think our relationship should be downgraded to just friendship. Why? Well, in the last 2 years I have seen her a total of 5 months. It isn't a real relationship. In the last 2 years I have truly been happy for 5 days. The rest of the time I am quietly miserable, or freaking out. It just isn't a relationship. It's like having a fuck friend show up for a yearly vacation. Only with almost no sex when she's here. I'm just not happy. Infact I am miserable. I pretty much don't eat, I sleep maybe 3 hours a day....during the day. I am dirty, depressed, and have little to no life in me. I hide online, screen my calls, and avoid my phone. I even have problems emailing ppl. I just have no life. I have given up. All I ever get is promises that are broken, and words that are bullshit. I can't live like this. If it was my choice I would have her here with me, but I don't have that choice. Instead I sit here alone, speaking to no one at all, and wishing I was a better person. Or atleast 100 lbs lighter so someone would want to be with me. I just give up on all of it. I have nothing. I have no one. And if I did have something, I wouldn't know what to do with it anyway. *sigh* So be it. It's my life. If I partied, ppl would want me. IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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