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~Alone....again~ Friday, Feb. 20, 2004 - 1:45 AM Well, she is gone, and I am the usual mess. In just over an hour she will be landing in Heathrow, and will clinch the distance between us. I miss her like I miss my health. She makes everything feel ok. She makes nothing matter at all. Now I want to crawl into bed, and die. Valentines was the evening that I can say I have felt closer to her than anyone in this world. Nothing mattered. I was so relaxed that I was getting sleepy. I just did up a simple meal, and had the kids keep her inside while we set up candles, and soft music. When she came out, it was dark, romantic, and her fave food was infront of her. We sat on the couch talking for hours. We didn't really talk about anything important, we just shared stories, joked, and relaxed. The 15th was out 4 yr aniversary. I told my dad that it had been 4 years, and that I thought she was going to be around alot longer, as we were getting along better than we ever have been, and were so fucking happy that nothing bothered us. Even the kids were picking on us for being together 4 years. The kids..... I miss my kids. I miss the night time cuddles of me putting them to sleep. I miss all the hugs, the songs being sung to me, and the bitching about them wanting a bath, and Jay saying no. I miss them asking me what is for dinner, and having them just pop out to dance to a commercial. Ya.....I miss my kids. I'm scared they won't eat because I didn't cook it. I'm scared they will have nightmares without me there to comfort them. I just want them back. I want them all back......I want them to drag Jay back. The main reason for Jay going back, other than immigration, is that her mom has lung cancer, and may be dying. Jay needs to see her, and spend time with her. Not to mention she misses her neices like crazy. And me..... I just miss her. I hate the thought of a cold empty bed. I have no apetite at all, and don't want to leave my room. I can't survive without her. I want my baby back! IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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