I'm beginning to think that I may have to reinvent my life.

Nothing is what I thought it was, or going in any of the directions I thought it was going in.

Things just don't seem to be working for me anymore. I think I have directed myself into something that isn't for me.

What I thought was going to be my career looks to be a dead end right now. What I originally thought of for a career, seems to be out of reach completely. I think I am having a midlife crisis at 27. Maybe that means I will die at 54? I dunno. I just don't know what I want in life anymore.

I know I am lonely, and I wish I could find someone who could actually be with me....not just part time. But that will never happen. Even if I was technically single, not just basically....finding someone in this city is next to impossible. So lonely I will stay. I just wonder what the point is of being in a relationship that leaves you lonely anyway?

So right now, I feel like I have no future, no relationship, and no solid goals, or direction.

I do believe it is time for a life makeover.

I wish I could grow my hair long. But my MS won't let me. It sucks ass. I used to want to grow my hair really long. I wanted it down to my knees. I wanted to work my ass off, lose weight, and have this amazingly long hair. My hair is naturally really thick. I loved the thought of being able to walk around naked, but be completely covered by my own hair. Kinda a Lady Godiva type thing I guess.

I used to have so many dreams. To go somewhere with my acting. To front a band, to work in Correctional Services, To work with teens that no one understood, to learn to be a embalmer, to own a new age bookstore, complete with crystals, herbs, and clothing. To train as a High Preistess, and be one by 30.

So many dreams. All I have is those dreams. Now I am a miserable single mom, on fucking welfare, spending my days crazy as a loon, and wishing I was either healthy, or dead. It's not really much of a life. I miss my freedom. Freedom of thought, freedom of physical movement, freedom of everything. Instead I am a crazy, depressed, and lonely fucking cripple.

What the fuck am I going to do with my life? How am I gonna get a grip on it all?

I think it's time for a serious, and drastic change.

But what?

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014