I don't expect anyone to understand it. I changed the rules. I had to change the rules. There was a distance growing so big, that I was preparing myself to leave her. No one knows that, not even her. But I felt it, and each day that went by, it got worse. I had to change the rules, I needed to, I had to change the feeling.

I get that way sometimes. There is no explanation at all. It just happens. One day things are fine, the next I am walking away. I just can't get attached. But like this. I get butterflies now. I lust to speak with her constantly. I feel like crying when she isn't around. I don't expect anyone to understand me, but sometimes I really do think she does.

So now the rules have changed, and I know it won't last forever. But for now, I fixed what needed to be fixed. I just hope one day she understands me. Understands why I did what I did. Maybe she never will, maybe things will end anyway. I had to try. This was all I knew how to do to prevent the split.

I'm not used to this. I would have been kicked to the curb by now. Because of that, I went distant. Now, with the new rules.....I feel so close. It's like a deeper bond formed. It's like now I can feel what I hid inside. Like now there is no fear in feeling that way.

Once this levels out, then things will get hard. Then I have to teach myself to feel that way, but with the old rules.

I'm scared. What if I can't again?

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014