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~Sitting here~ Thursday, May. 01, 2003 - 4:16 PM Well, she's gone. Right about now Jay is in Calgary getting ready for the big flight to England. I bought her a phone card yesterday, and after she checks in for her next flight, then sorts out immigration, then she is supposed to call me. I'm worried that something is gonna fuck up. So here I sit. I'm more worried about her than anything. She has been freaking over flying, and it is triggering her Carcinoid. So she has been pretty sick in the past few days. She has been asking me over and over how she is going to survive without me, I ask myself the same question about her. I have no idea on either hand. I guess we'll manage somehow. So, we watched her plane take off as we always do, Watched it climb higher in the sky with the sun glinting off of it, and all I could think of, is how I wished I could have a huge sign at the end of the runway that said "I LOVE YOU JAY!" so that it would be the last thing she would see. I spent 2 weeks being a fucking mental case because of all of this JC bullshit. Now I feel as if I wasted the last of our time together. She said it was JC's fault, but I feel like it's mine. I can't help it, I can still feel her in my arms. We were cuddling on the couch last night, and the feeling is vivid in my mind. The way she smelled as I had my face buried in her shoulder. Making her laugh by sniffing her ear like a dog. How we both reacted to Ruben being in the bottom 2, and the look on simons face when it was announced. *sigh* It's been 2 hours since I saw her last, and I already can't stand it. I just wish she would call. Speaking of calls, my dad is acting like a dad again. He is worried about me being here without her, and my mental state because of it. I arrived home to a call from him. Apparently he has a bag of goodies for me that I will really like. He called at 2:30 this afternoon because he wanted to bring it to me, but will drop by tomorrow after he pays for more drum lessons for Satan. He sounded really excited about it, so he now has me curious. Chances are he went on a shopping spree, and got me some more shirts from his motorcycle club. We'll see I guess. So here I sit. By myself. No one to talk to. Missing Jay. Wishing she would call me. Hoping she can before her next flight. God baby....why did you have to leave? IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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